We were laying together in bed, sitting up on the pillows, in a hotel in Copenhagen. It was about 9 AM, and he’d already fucked me.
“When the time comes,” I ventured timidly, “How will you punish me…?”
“Punish, or discipline? They’re two separate things, you know.”
(They are. Discipline is control with respect. It’s positive and intended to better improve the individual, even if it hurts. It’s what they do in the military (at least, in a good and competent military). It’s what teachers do to children in school.
Punishment is deliberate cruelty and vengeance, even if it’s just.)
“Punish,” I said. I was afraid to ask, but I had to know. I was starting to tremble. Everything in my body was tense, and I was getting excited.
“Suspend privileges. Take away your use of furniture; make you sleep in the kitchen on the floor without a blanket. Corner time, so that you may ruminate on your infractions. Beating you in a way you could not process. It would not be pleasant. Making you wear something humiliating in public.
…Is this arousing to you…?”
(I’d started to rub myself under the blankets.)
“I can’t help it,” I said. I was ashamed, but the longing was very strong. My eyes were suddenly full of water and I was salivating. When I swallowed, it hurt. The sex drive is deep; primordial.
“I want to see it,” he said, and threw off the bedding to expose me. His voice was calm and authoritative. He knew exactly what he was doing. “Don’t stop.”
“Please, X. Please don’t hurt me from inside.” I spoke his name.
“The only thing that I like even more than the sound of my name in your mouth is when you beg me.”
Crying, now. Not sobbing, but all the water was leaking from my eyes. The emotion was building; impending. It felt like standing in a river. It felt like standing in the water at the ocean, when the wave sucks the sand out from around your feet. It felt like vertigo.
“I want you to come for me,” he said.
I did. It was almost involuntary.
Smirking, he got out of bed and looked down at me.
“I just made you come with the power of my words. Imagine what I could do to hurt you.”
“You won’t have to. I will obey you in all things.”
He nodded. “For your sake, I hope you do.”