(2) Clients and Lying

        When I started working in the Biz, I took it as a given that clients would lie to me.  I expected that they would lie to me for the same reason I lied to them: to protect themselves, to keep a barrier between what we did together and their regular lives.  I expected them to lie about identifying information: where they worked, what town they lived in, and whether they were married or in relationship.  

        I was surprised to learn that some of them would lie about other things, trivial things, inconsequential things.  I found the lies amusing, then baffling.

         I had several sessions with a young African-American client who told me that he worked in a parking garage.  He told the mistress he saw months later, after me, that he worked for Google. Another mistress told me that he worked in administration at Hunter College.  Why?

        They lie about mistresses they’ve sessioned with in the past.  They lie about their BDSM experience, minimizing or exaggerating it.  They lie about needing their glasses to see clearly.  They lie about how much they’ve had to drink.  I had one tell me that he was fighting his ex-wife for custody of his young children, and then, later that summer, tell me that he was childless.  

         They would lie to me about the origins of their fetishes, as they understood them.  I heard fantasies of incest and criminal child-abuse rings that struck me as too fantastical and lurid to be true (and others, sadly, that I could only hope were untrue).  I heard all manner of stories about imaginary dominas, girlfriends, co-workers–at least those lies made sense, as they followed an erotic fantasy.  

        Some lies were the same lies that men commonly tell women in order to impress them: lies about military service or serving in combat, lies about cars (one guy claimed that he had a Jaguar, but did not know its country of manufacture) or jobs in high-status employment, like the entertainment industry.  A guy who owned a pest-control/extermination business told me that he was a career police officer. 

        The lies seldom offended me, even when I believed them, and later found out I was wrong, as with Mr. Parking Garage-Google-Hunter College.  I wasn’t offended.  I was merely confused: why would he tell me that…? 

       I can’t begin to answer that, but I can tell you what I would tell the new girls in the Studio: you have no idea who the guy sitting across from you in the consultation room really is, and, more often than not, the fact that he is even there means that he probably isn’t the most, ahh, forthcoming person in the world.  They have all sorts of reasons for being there, and those reasons are not always the reasons they readily admit to.  

7 thoughts on “(2) Clients and Lying”

  1. It sometimes goes the other way too. Years ago, pre-internet, a woman who I still recall as my favorite domme ever had a very conversational style, and she’d sprinkle little comments on her personal life within the session. One day she told me she was going to retire soon because she was starting a business to import Russian cars into the U.S. I gullibly took what she said at face value. Later, at the same house I saw a mistress who inherited a lot of the her clients. I asked if she was in touch with her and how the Russian car business was going. The mistress stared at me and burst out laughing, and I realized that she was just putting me on. — Michael

    1. Hi Michael!
      Re: dommes lying to clients–oh yes, I’m sure you’re right. I lied to clients myself about what state I came from, what I was studying in school, and my age–I’d add or subtract a few years if his preference was someone older or younger. I can’t pass for anything but Whitey McWhitebread, but my co-workers who could lied about their ethnic heritage all the time. You have to be a bit of a chameleon, or an actress, to fit the fantasy.

      Oh: another thing I lied about routinely was having a boyfriend. It provided a nice, face-saving rejection when the men wanted to go out with me or see me outside the dungeon.

      I’m not casting aspersions upon the client liars here. They guys can say whatever they want; it’s no skin off my neck. I just wonder WHY, when they have nothing at stake in it? It’s weird, isn’t it? Keep in mind that I almost never asked the men anything about their personal lives or histories. They would just volunteer stuff. Weird.

      Anyway, thanks for reading!

  2. i’ll take a crack at it. they are psychopaths trying out various masks on different audiences to see how the mask feels and how well the lie plays out. for fun? for a future con? who knows. i despise pathological liars. i have no patience with them. their lies don’t offend me but their lying does.

    1. Well, I think the most obvious answer is that, as you say, they were doing it for fun. A lot of them felt like they were getting away with something sneaky when they visited the Studio. It was a caper, an adventure. And since it was a lark, well, why not just lie about whatever comes to mind? That’s my theory.

      They can’t all be psychopaths. There are just too many of them.

  3. I have no idea why clients would lie like that. But once I knew a woman who used to lie to shopkeepers and such about her single state. She was in her twenties, and when she went to the deli or whatnot she would say to herself in front of the clerk something like, ‘What did he say to pick up?’ to give the false impression that she was shopping for herself and a boyfriend. I thought this was kind of sad and could not understand how it would give anyone any satisfaction. I guess she was using store clerks to create a fantasy world in which she was not alone.


    1. Hi John,

      She lied to the clerks because she felt self-conscious about being single. She felt that it made her look inferior somehow. I have never felt that way about being single, but I know people who have.

      Now, I DID lie to clerks at the liquor store, when my drinking was at its worst. I’d buy three bottles of wine or a huge bottle of Scotch and say it was “for a party.” Yeah, right. I was drinking it all by myself. Sad, huh? SOME PARTY!

      Thanks for commenting, as always!

  4. I never understood why anyone would care what a store clerk thinks. But once, when asked, I did lie. I used to buy a fifth of a product called Smirnoff Silver, a ninety proof vodka (I don’t know if they still make it) and the guy at the counter said, ‘I hope this isn’t all for you.’ I laughed and said no, but I bought one of these every day. (And one extra on Friday or Saturday so I’d have one for Sunday). After this I was more rigorous in my use of a rotation of liquor stores. I was living in Ann Arbor, getting an MBA at the time, and there were three liquor stores in town, but oh God did it get cold there, so sometimes I went to the same one half a block from my apartment every day.


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