“He Has Female Friends. You Know That Most Men Can’t Handle That, Sadly.”

      From a letter of recommendation I wrote for Heinrich in 2008.  He was about to take on a new sub he met on Fetlife.   

  I have known him almost two years and I recommend him unequivocally.  He is safe and trustworthy.  I have never known him to misrepresent his skill set or attempt to do things that he does not know how to do.  He has put me in partial and full inversions and they were all well-executed. 

      The only thing I would caution you about is to be very clear and explicit about your limits and things that are unacceptable to you.  He is a very good service top, but when he takes control for himself, you will know it, and the session will go in places that you do not necessarily want it to go.  I’ve never discussed it with him, but I get the distinct feeling that he thinks all that stuff about the sub being the one with all the real control is a lot of bullshit.  Some male doms I have met are all about fulfilling your fantasies and making sure that you have a great time and blah blah blah.  Heinrich will do that sometimes, but you have to remember that he’s doing this for himself, and that real power is selfish.  You will not always be having fun and you will not always be doing stuff you like to do.  If you have buttons you really don’t want to be pushed, you need to tell him that beforehand.  Me, I didn’t know that I hate to be slapped.  It never even occurred to me that someone would do that.  He went right for my face and he wasn’t gentle about it, either.  I was stunned and humiliated and it made me cry.  It was an ugly feeling.  So I discovered a limit that I didn’t even know I had.  My advice to you is to take responsibility for looking after yourself.  It’s never fun to learn the hard way in BDSM.  

He is very conscientious.  I’ve known tops who were jerks and boundaries-pushers, or who joked about violating the rules while I was vulnerable or compromised.  Heinrich’s not like that.  Nor is he sleazy, rape-y, or molest-y.  I’ve never had sex with him, but he’s had me in suspension in my underwear, and he never groped me or tried to get me nude or pulled out his dick.  You’re a female sub on Fetlife, so I don’t need to tell you what exemplary male behavior this is.  I’d go so far as to say that he’s the only male top I can think of who won’t try to fuck you if you don’t ask him to.  I know that people act differently in different relationships sometimes, but, for what it’s worth, I’ve talked to two other femsubs who’ve known him in personal life, and they both report similar experiences with his sexual fastidiousness.  He has female friends.  You know that most men can’t handle that, sadly.  I consider myself to be his friend, but I am absolutely loyal to women, and I would never misrepresent my opinion of a man’s safety to another woman.  

Herr Romer is safe, but he will make you suffer.  Be prepared for that.  He has a mean streak I never would have anticipated (though he is in control of it).  He’s not a daddy dom and does not present himself as such.  He’s good, though.  Just remember that he’s serious.  

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