John’s Annual Background Check

     Many times, I’ve thought about whether to tell the story about my relationship with John, my restraining-order Ex, on this blog.  I’ve written bits and pieces along the way, mostly about his stalking me after I left him.  Eventually, I’ll write about him, but I still haven’t got the emotional fortitude.  

       I do, however, have a SHORT John story that’s worth sharing.  I’m sharing it because I think it’s funny, and also as a warning to nice, normal, mostly-well-adjusted people that there are people like this out there.

       Over the weekend, I paid for a background check on John.  I do this every year (and the first five years after the relationship ended, I did it TWICE per year).  I don’t do the background check to be creepy or invasive–I don’t give a shit what he’s up to, and I certainly don’t try to contact him in any way. I do it so that I know where he is.  I would not feel safe knowing that he lived in the same city as myself.  

        I started out with the Google.  The first thing that came up when I Googled his name is that he is living in a $20 million condo on Central Park West, here in Manhattan.

         Huh, I thought.  That’s weird.  His family had some money–I was with him when he folks died, and they left him a gorgeous condo that had to be sold to share with his brother, and about $1.5 million in inheritance.   That’s a lot of money by any objective standard, but it’s not Central Park West.

         Maybe he got married, I thought.  Maybe he married a really rich woman. I supposed it was possible, even though any woman with that sort of money ought to know how to protect it from a scam artist like John, unlike naive 20-year-old Margo here (I was 20 when I met John). 

         I continued to Google.  I found an online resume John had posted on a professional social-networking site. 

         His official job title…?  “President and CEO.”

          Oh, this is going to be good, I thought to myself, and whipped out the credit card, because it was time for the paid background check.  

         The one that tells you the truth

        The one that I should’ve run the minute I started to get serious with him, because it would have saved me years in an absolutely hellish relationship with a narcissistic con artist who makes the Surgeon look like Boyfriend of the Year and Outstanding Humanitarian.  The one I didn’t run until my lawyer did it for me, when I was selling all my shit and moving to a secure, undisclosed location because I was worried John was going to blow my fucking head off.  The background check that showed that John had lied about many things in his past, including where he had worked, where he went to school, and whether his ex-wife had a restraining order against him.

          The background check is a little pricey, but I recommend it.  I will run it on every man I get serious with in the future.  I learned how important it was the hard way.

        Annnnd…..two days later, the results came back.

        John does not live on Central Park West, and he is President and CEO of nothing.

         He is unemployed, or self-employed (doing what? he can’t practice law in California!), and living in a very modest tract house in Truckee, California.  He is a ski bum who sponges off his relatives. 

         Now…nice, normal, mostly well-adjusted readers will be asking themselves: Why would he lie?  Why is there fictitious, self-aggrandizing information about him on the internet?

       Because he’s sick.  Because he’s pathetic.  Because he’s trying to control appearances.   Because he’s meeting women out there in Truckee, and telling them that the house he’s living in is a rental (which it is! HA HA!), and he actually has a $30 million condo on Central Park West, in New York.

       And they will believe him, because it’s on the internet, and he’s got business cards, and correspondence with law firm letterheads on it, and he obviously grew up in New York.  I mean, until it happens to you, you just don’t expect people to fabricate huge parts of their personal history out of thin air.  

         You don’t expect someone to look you in the face and lie to you.  Especially when you mean them no harm, and are being honest with them.

         Learn from my mistake, Ladies.   The background check is your friend.  Men like this are out there (and, to be fair, I’m sure there are women running these cons, too).   

        Don’t let a man like John happen to you.

       P.S.  This is petty, but I admit it: I derive tremendous satisfaction knowing that he is broke, because I’m sure that he finds that humiliating.  WHAT A LOSER. 

7 thoughts on “John’s Annual Background Check”

  1. Hi,
    I have been reading your blog for a while.
    Very sad story.
    Glad you found a way to check now.
    Would you mind sharing which service you have a good experience with?

    Keep up the good writing,
    and keep looking,
    the right guy is out there for you.


    1. I want to reiterate that I track this guy once a year because he is truly dangerous. There is so much to the story…but when my lawyer did the background check, I found he’d moved all over California, like 6 times in ten years.

      It wasn’t for work. He was going from victim to victim.

    1. sick fuck. glad you dodged that bullet.

      nice to know the american bar has SOME bare minimum standards for character. wow. i would LOVE to know that story. LOL!!

  2. Thanks for the warning Margo! and thanks for the information about intelius, I was going to ask also! It’s scary to know there are people like that out there.

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