Would You Take a Used Liberator?

    This has nothing to do with Easter Sunday, but it was so weird that I had to give it a quick blog post…

     Not one hour ago, I was walking to the drug store on the corner when I saw a Liberator sitting on top of an overflowing trash can.

      If you’re not in the know, a Liberator is sex furniture manufactured for yuppies.  You can read all about it if you can endure reading their cheesy website, but essentially, it is a wedge-shaped piece of foam ostensibly used for comfort and support during sex.  I don’t have one myself–the humble pillow has always worked for me–but I know what they are because Rolling Stone magazine has run Liberator ads for years.

      So there it was, in a New York City trashcan: someone’s used Liberator.  It was definitely used.  Looked a little ratty.  Well, I hope it brought someone(s) lots of happiness.

“Bedroom Adventure Gear,” puh-LEEZE!  AMATEURS

       I almost took a photo of it with my cell phone, because I thought it was funny.  I really wish I would have.

       I walked on, did my shopping, and then made for home.  On the way, I decided that I’d take a picture of the trashed Liberator after all.  I thought it would make an amusing Tweet.

       But guess what…?  GUESS WHAT HAPPENED?

        WHILE I WAS IN  THE STORE, SOMEBODY TOOK THAT USED, RATTY LIBERATOR!  It wasn’t in the trash can anymore!

       Now, I’m no germophobe–I’m really not–but that is just GROSS.  I wouldn’t use it even if I had it professionally cleaned!  

       I am praying, praying, that the person who took that Liberator was its original owner, who decided that he just couldn’t bear to part with it.  

       The alternative is too gruesome to think about. 

       I don’t care about celebrities, aside, perhaps, from my boyfriend Liam Neeson, but this cracked me up, so I’m posting it.  I can’t decide whether Twitter is great, or the biggest waste of time ever.  I definitely think it’s fun, though. 


         Now I am going to run to the Frick.  Fortinbras is sending me on another art scavenger hunt.  I am hoping to go out to dinner with Heinrich when he gets off work.  I haven’t seen him in a while and I’d like to catch up, and it would be kinda sad to spend Easter Sunday alone and watching House.  

        (Actually, I wouldn’t watch House.  Errol Morris just made a documentary about Donald Rumsfeld, and you can stream in on Amazon.  Morris’s film on Robert McNamara, The Fog of War, is one of my favorite movies.  I watch it once a year.  


      I have two more weeks of rehab, and then I’m going to visit my mother if I can afford plane tickets.  

8 thoughts on “Would You Take a Used Liberator?”

  1. Finally an update! So what happened with Fortinbras? are you finally boyfriend and girlfriend?

    And what happened to the White Dress story? I want to know how it ends!

  2. Hi there. Glad you liked the update.

    Fortinbras is not, and will never be, my boyfriend, but yeah, I’ve seen him recently and I still think he’s leading up to something. The name of that something is an on-call professional “girlfriend.” It’s not a normal or emotionally equal relationship, but neither is it unfair.

    I have most of the last installment of “The White Dress” written, but I haven’t finished or posted it because it’s creepy as hell and it freaks me out. It’s sort of obscene, actually, even though nothing really sexual happened. I’m a little worried that my 8 readers will be revolted.

    Do you think it is worthy of posting? A good story?

    Thanks for reading

  3. I can’t speak for your other readers, but I’m a sick fuck (though harmless), so there’s no way the rest of your White Dress story will revolt me to the point of offensiveness or make me stop reading. Please post it. I need to know it what ways I’m falling short on my personal level of creepiness.

    Would you leave the jungle for the safer life of a kept bird, if Fortinbras asked?

    1. Hi Downlow!

      But: Would you take a used Liberator out of a trashcan?

      Re: Fortinbras…assuming that he paid me enough to live, which he will have to do if he wants me to make my schedule around his and spend the night and large blocks of time with him, yes, I’d quit at the Studio and I’d stop taking new clients independently. I’d keep my teaching and tutoring jobs. I have a few independent clients I really like whom I would grandfather in, especially since I may need their business again when Fortinbras inevitably tires of me.

      I have a lunch date with him tomorrow. he pays me to eat with him. I love his conversation, but the dynamic is sort of weird. I guess I am used to doing non-weird things to corporate lawyers on their lunchbreaks, like stomping on their nads, ha-ha-ha!

      Okay, will post White Dress when I finish it. Might take a day or two. You know how it’s gonna end.

  4. Dear Miss Margo,

    $85 for a foam wedge with a nylon cover! Holy Cow! Whoever thought of this product is a genius. Anyone who buys one is a fool.

    Good to hear that you are almost fully rehabilitated. DDAGTM.


  5. Hi Margo

    Some people never change. Even back then Dick Cheney had the same superior evil, shit eating grin as he has now. From the look on his face he seems to be thinking. “And how am I going to stab this guy in the back someday.”

    I’ll cast another vote for posting the rest of the story,


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