Directions to The Olive Garden

    So, I finish the shift at the Studio, don my sneakers, and commence running home, because I always like to stretch my legs after a 6-hour spell at the dungeon unless it’s too cold outside to be comfortable…

    …..annnnd, in Midtown, a couple stops me on the street.

      They ask me for directions.


       This is what I want to know: who the hell comes to New York City, one of the culinary capitals of North America, and wants to dine at the Olive Garden?  Why does the Olive Garden even exist in NYC?  I don’t get it!  

        Don’t get me wrong–I’m not besmirching the Olive Garden.  For a chain restaurant, the atmosphere and quality of the food is just fine.  The unlimited salad is always very crisp and tasty and they always give warm garlic breadsticks, nom nom NOM.  I loved the place when I was a teenager and didn’t know what good food was.  Again, that is not a backhanded compliment to the Olive Garden.

       But who the hell wants to eat at the Olive Garden in NYC?

       And why…?

       That goes for Domino’s Pizza, too!  You can get the best pizza in the world outside of Italy in NYC!  A thousand pizza joints, ranging from gourmet to $2 hole-in-the-wall “eat while drunk at 3 AM” restaurants (especially if you believe in women’s lib!)…and people want to eat Domino’s?   


       Another thing that I do not understand about New Yorkers is eating fish on a bagel.  

        Bagels are delicious.  I never knew what a good bagel was until I moved to New York.  Where I come from, you buy bagels in a plastic bag at the grocery store, and they are shit.  New York bagels are fuckin fantastic.  

        But they put fish on the bagel.  They call it “lox” (or smoked salmon.  Not sure if lox is salmon.  It could be.).  

        Fish.  On a bagel.

        FISH ON A BAGEL.

         The first time I saw that, I almost barfed on the floor.  I mean, what are you people thinking?  Fish on a bagel?  It’s 8 AM, dude!

        And fish…?  Who eats fish, anyway?  Maybe in the summertime, fry up a fingerling trout…but really?  Fish?

        “May I have honey on my bagel, Sir?” I asked the counterman at the deli.


         “Honey!  I want honey on my bagel, please.”

         “That is not something that goes on a bagel.  We don’t have any honey.”

        This blog post is kinda stupid, but I felt like writing this morning.

4 thoughts on “Directions to The Olive Garden”

    1. Is this some sort of trick question…?

      I actually don’t eat much seafood aside from shellfish (nom nom NOM) but when I do, I like sushi. sushi is delicious. A man took me to Masa once and it was probably the best culinary experience of my life.

  1. Why did they ask for The Olive Garden? My guess would be familiarity. People get into a comfort zone which can be tough to break out of even while traveling.

    As a catholic I’m surprised you didn’t grow up eating fish for supper on Fridays. Maybe it is an east coast thing.

    Take care

  2. A bunch of foodie college mates and I went to NYC for spring break one time and ate our hearts out. We barely had time to hit up all the recommended places. WHAI WOULD YOU GO TO A CHAIN RESTAURANT?!? I wondered the same thing when I was in Thailand and saw a line-up at Burger King’s. Green curry, mango sticky rice, tom yum… and people want a sloppily constructed burger. I mean, I get that people like familiar stuff sometimes, but does one really travel across the world to eat BK?

    BUT I have to beg to differ re: the lox thing. I’m from Montreal and I can’t get enough of the salmon, cream cheese and bagel combo. Tomato fish stew is great during the winter! And fish curry too! Teriyaki salmon. Miso cod.
    Gawd I’m hungry now..


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.