Let Me Tell You About My Crazy Internet Stalker

     I just want to say that I have a crazy internet stalker who has been emailing me 1-4 times a day for months.   He checks my blog obsessively and monitors my internet presence as best he can.  He uses an anonymous proxy and thinks that he’s invisible, but my software catches him and I see when he comes and goes.  I am not in the habit of monitoring 95% of my readers because there’s no point, but I do monitor this crazy fucktard.  

     Right now I’m engaged in a little standoff with this bastard.  I reached my breaking point when he announced his intention to move in with me.  He has quite a fantasy life, as the rest of you will see if he continues to harass me.  

     He lives overseas.  I have all of his ISPs and I know his operating system.  He has also sent me pictures of his house, his family, himself, and his useless, worthless cock.  

     I have consulted my attorney.  It cost me $150, so thanks for that, you crazy internet fucktard, but it was worth it.  His pathetic death threat is a crime and if he continues to antagonize me I am going to the police and the State Department.  He will be flagged at Customs when he tries to enter the country.

      If he continues stalking me, I am also going to publish every single one of his hundreds of email online.  I will set up a special blog for it, and a tumblr, and maybe even a WordPress.  It will take several days, but it will be a labor of love.  I will publish all of his crazy emails, and his photographs, and, best of all, the photos of his idiotic worthless cock.  His family portraits are going up, too, though I will be ethical and blurr the faces of his nieces and nephews.  He can have fun explaining that to his drunkard father, who had him arrested for domestic violence, and his clearly incompetent parole officer.  I say that she is incompetent because my crazy internet stalker obviously needs to be medicated and placed under supervision, or else returned to a cage.  Dangerous trash like him should not be released upon the public.  

      If my crazy internet stalker persists, I will also forward all of his emails, including his Klassy bathroom-shot selfies and his Klassy cock shots, to his account manager at the bank for which he works.  I have her full name, because my idiotic internet stalker told me.  My idiotic internet stalker can’t fucking shut up.  My fucktard internet stalker has blown up my email box with his deranged delusional fantasyland rantings for the last fucking time.  If I have to read his shit, everyone gets to read his shit, including his reflexologist cousin! Does his poor cousin know that he’s been spending her photos to strangers over the internet?  I guess we’ll find out! 

      My crazy, pathetic internet stalker really, really hates my Surgeon ex-boyfriend.  He is jealous of him–or, more accurately, he is jealous of me,  because he is very gender-confused, as all of you will learn if I have to publish his hundreds of pages of emails online.  I hold my crazy internet stalker in contempt, but I will warn him: if you find my Ex and bother him about me, you will regret it for the rest of your stupid, pointless life.  You won’t even know what hit you.  My Ex will not be intimidated by your rantings about aliens and what a badass you were in prison and all the other putrid, inferior thoughts you concoct in your disordered brain.  Life will get very, very expensive for you very, very fast. 

    My crazy internet stalker is obsessed with sex workers and reads our blogs.  If you are a blogging sex worker and read this, please let me know and I will give you the information about my crazy internet stalker so that you can identify him if and when he shows up in your email box.  

     Unless, of course, my stalker forces me to publish all of his shit online, in which case private correspondence from me will no longer be necessary.  

     P.S.  If my internet stalker tries to hack my computer, it will all be for naught: his emails and photos, including the ones of his Dad and his klassy cock shots, are all saved on an exterior hard drive.  For insurance.  

      Now get the hell away from me, you worthless prick, and consider yourself lucky that I was fair enough to warn you.

13 thoughts on “Let Me Tell You About My Crazy Internet Stalker”

    1. I will nuke this loser if he ignores my request to cease contact one more time. The blog that I make about him will render him unemployable (which he probably is already).

  1. I’m no expert, but it sounds like this guy has a pretty severe personality disorder. It could be erotomania (aka de Clerambault’s syndrome).

    Maybe you need some psychiatric advice on how to deal with him.

    1. (Disclaimer: I’m no shrink) I suspected schizophrenia, which I could at least have some sympathy for, as it’s not their fault they hallucinate….

      But no, this asshole is an admitted Cluster B.

    1. Thanks!

      I know that he saw this blog post. It’s been 12 hours since he’s contacted me, which is heroic restraint from him.

      I was THIS CLOSE to blogging him yesterday. I actually started the blog, and didn’t publish it. I was even reviewing Blogger terms of service to see if it was okay to post all his pics, including the ones of his dick. I was furious. Haven’t been that enraged in a long time.

      It still might happen. This “man” has no self-control.

  2. I’m truly sorry you’ve had to waste your time dealing with a loser like this fucktard… but what an awesome blog post! A very empowering read for anyone who has ever been stalked by a creep – which is probably most women and more than a few men, at some time or other. You do rock, you know 🙂

    1. Thanks, Anne!

      Oh God, was I mad when I wrote this yesterday. It shows in the writing (“idiotic cock?” How can a cock be idiotic?), but now that I re-read it, it is sort of funny.

      My blog on this fucktard will not be funny, though. He will not be laughing. Nope.

      Mathematician got kid-glove treatment. I will firebomb THIS guy like Operation Meetinghouse Tokyo 1945. He deserves it. You have no idea what awful things he’s said to me, and how he’s violated my boundaries and any common code of decency, and I’m sure I’m not the only woman he’s done this too.

      You still might hear ALLLLL about it. He’s at two strikes.

  3. I know I’m sick, but your rant was sexy. Women are beautiful when they are angry. I am sorry this guy is bothering you but I almost hope that he goes full retard so that I can read about yu ‘nuking’ him.

    1. Huh?

      Not at all, though I do find them over-rated and mens’ obsession with them is exhausting and obnoxious, frankly. I have enjoyed many a peen, though, and expect to do so in the future.

      I called my crazy stalker’s cock worthless and useless because I am of the opinion that those are two of the worst things a person can call a man, and two of the worst things a man can be. Useless men are the ultimate in pathetic.

  4. I must say I really identify with this man. I am also a creepy deranged loser and have an obsession with sex workers and can’t get enough of your blogs, twitter feeds and the like. I wonder why that is? I’ve had to fight the temptation to follow in his footsteps as I cannot afford to burn bridges and be blackballed by any of you. I want to act out my compulsions in a legitimate context, as in a paid encounter. But is that possible? How would you react if a client revealed that he hated/feared/envied/worshiped you and your kind?
    I dream constantly about having some kind of final epic showdown where I finally come out of hiding and allow myself to appear before one of you and then attempt to destroy you emotionally, psychologically, morally and intellectually, only to the be destroyed myself. My defeat is guaranteed, no need for me to throw the fight and take a dive. Do you think I can satiate this need legitimately?

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