Woke up at 4 AM and couldn’t go back to sleep. I hate going through the day with that groggy, unrested feeling. I have to return a manuscript soon, so I’m working under a deadline, and it’s so much harder to concentrate when you’re operating at about 70% capacity.
I am deranged from lack of sleep. I’d go to the doctor about it, but the last time I did that, a Meddling Psychiatrist fucktard tried to diagnose me with an eating disorder.
I’ve been crash-dieting for days now. The scale says results (FINALLY!). The Surgeon is not going to tolerate me at the weight I was at. Hell. I couldn’t even tolerate myself.
I trust you with my insane neuroses, gentle reader. To the rest of the world, I present myself as an educated and accomplished individual, but here, on this little slice of blog, I let it all hang out.
Let me tell you about a weird hobby of mine. Have a shared this one with you? I don’t think that I have.
I collect weird advertising.
There is a shitload of bizarre advertising out there, and when the mood strikes me, I cut it out or copy it or take photos of it, and sock it away like a crazy demented squirrel.
It fascinates me for several reasons. One, it’s like a nutty psychological Rorschach test. Two, it’s nifty from a sociological perspective. Three, it’s funny. And finally, I have to wonder: who are these people? I mean, really. Who comes up with this stuff?
Take this one. I thought that it had to be a joke, but it’s not. I saw it on the train and online, so the Alberta tourism board, incredibly, not only paid for this but also approved its publication.
|Create what? Achieve what? Penguins? Racial diversity? This terrible ad?|
A black dude wearing a necktie in front of a glacier surrounded by penguins.
Okay, well. Alberta probably has about six black residents, so I suppose it is possible that one of them could be hanging out in this ad. He’s a handsome fellow. But why is he wearing those clothes in the wilderness? Wouldn’t a parka be a better wardrobe decision? And what’s up with the penguins? Is Alberta trying to capitalize off of them before global warming kills them all?
Another Canada tourism pic. Huh? I like Polar Bears too, but I wouldn’t get this close to one.
What about this one. Besides the fact that it is idiotic and tasteless (but still probably better-tasting than the sandwich it promotes)–if you are going to have the woman give the phallic symbol a BJ, could she AT LEAST look happy to do it? She looks terrified. That fucks with my mind, man, it weirds me out. I don’t want rape imagery in my damn Burger King ads, man.
|The Tucker Max asshole Dudebro who came up with this ought to be shot.|
I hate the way your eyeballs feel when you don’t get enough sleep.