Contract Suspended

     I made $120 tutoring today and was feeling pretty good until I got home and found an email from this company I’ve been doing editing and proofreading work for.  They were supposed to send me more work, but it wasn’t coming, so I called and emailed to ask when I could expect it.

     Due to unexpected budget cutbacks, we are suspending contracts with freelance personnel.

     FANTASTIC!  A warning would have been helpful, you bastards!  So, I get on the phone.  I want to know if there was anything wrong with the quality of my work.  I am told: No, we have brought the bloody hatchet down on all freelance personnel; it’s nothing personal.    I want to know if and when I may ever expect to work for them again.  They say, After Thanksgiving.  By early December.  You were with us last year–we always get slammed before the Holidays.

     So there you go, and here I am.

     I feel highly annoyed but surprisingly calm otherwise.  Interesting.  Maybe I really am changing.

    I have work from two other jobs coming in this week.  So, I have a little breathing room.  Not much, but a little.  Maybe a week.

    I need to make a plan.  Soon, very soon, before I get desperate.  As any prudent person living on the brink of insolvency (especially in this town) knows, it’s best to hustle before you really need to.

     I resolve to run my problems by at least three other homo sapiens I (mostly) trust in order to get their input.  Gonna put that Lone Ranger shit on the shelf for once.  It’s what got me into a lot of this mess in the first place.  Maybe I’ll even ask for help–imagine that!  Though the idea is counterintuitive to me.  What would I ask for, and with what justification?  That is the way that I think.

     I have spent my life without needs. Never taking, never owing. There are many reasons for this.  I don’t have entitlement issues–I have the opposite problem.  I don’t think that I’m entitled to a goddamned thing I haven’t procured with my own two hands. Secondly, when you ask someone for something, you give them power over you. I try to never give anybody the power to say no to me.  When is the last time I took a gift? A favor?

    I have to think about that.

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