I had to take a 5-panel urine test before I checked out of the inpatient rehab.
I wasn’t worried. AT ALL.
I tested positive for Benzos.
“I’m on 10 mg of Lexapro and a multivitamin. I take both in the morning in front of the tech. Besides food, that is all I eat.”
“Don’t get upset and freak out,” she said.
“I’m not upset and I’m not freaking out. There has to be a perfectly logical reason for this false positive. You watch me when I take a leak. I am completely compliant and you know it. You shook down my luggage and all my clothes and I don’t know anyone in this town and I don’t have my phone and I’m certainly not ordering drugs. You know where I am, 24/7.”
I was chill. I was serious as a heart attack.
Turns out, it was the Librium they gave me when I was admitted. It has a very long half-life.