Things Clients Have Said to Me

The following are a sample of things clients have said to me.  My thoughts are in italics.

“Does your family know?”

So rude.  Does your family know?

“What does your boyfriend think of all this?

“But what if your future husband found out?”

After the session and his ejaculation, when suddenly seized by shame and remorse: “You shouldn’t do this anymore! You should get a normal job, like at a restaurant or something.”

Side note: I get awful vibes from men overcome with shame who act close to panic after they have an orgasm.  I think they’re potentially dangerous when they’re in that state of mind. Handle with care.

At the end of the session, which was a 3-ring circus and involved an orgasm on his part:  “I want a refund.”

So go make a complaint to the Better Business Bureau!

“Can I get a discount?”

“Are you clean?”

New client comes out of the bathroom with a very solemn expression on his face.  He holds out his hand and shows me three red pills that I’d left on the bathroom counter.  “What are these pills?” he asks me.

They’re cinnamon altoids, fuckstick! 

“So, are you at this job because you use drugs?”

“But what if the children found out?” (Dungeon was a block away from a daycare center and a park.)

“You must have had a very hard life.”

Some men see sex workers as broken flowers, crushed by the cruel cruel world.  My question is: what sort of person believes that and then decides to book an appointment anyway?

Client is a coked-out idiot pouring sweat in ill-fitting women’s lingerie with a dildo up his bum: “Does this turn you on?”

Client wants to masturbate in front of all the women in the dungeon, but doesn’t want to pay them to be there: “I’ll put on a great show for you! You’ll love it!”

Yes, I am sure it is as entertaining as Cirque du Soleil. You could do it on Broadway. 

“I want to speak on the phone before we meet so that I know we will be compatible with each other.”  After being told about my telephone rates: “I can’t believe you want to soak me for every little thing.”

When I explain that I’ll be happy to have a dinner-date session with him for my reduced social-rate fee: “I will not pay you to eat with me.  That’s ridiculous.”  When I explain that I am here to work: “It’s a pity that you hate what you do so much that you have to call it work!”

Client who brought a LOADED GUN to session: “Don’t worry, I’m harmless.”

“You girls sure make a lot of money.”

Upset new client wants an explanation for why I won’t fly alone with him in his small airplane to his vacation cabin in the middle of nowhere in Canada: “But why not?  I’m paying you!”

Indeed, why not?  What could go wrong?

“How did you get those bruises on your back?”

Hmmm….you are a masochist and I work in a dungeon.  Think about it, guy.  Think about it real hard. 


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