False Positive

I had to take a 5-panel urine test before I checked out of the inpatient rehab.

I wasn’t worried.  AT ALL.

I tested positive for Benzos.

“I’m on 10 mg of Lexapro and a multivitamin. I take both in the morning in front of the tech. Besides food, that is all I eat.”

“Don’t get upset and freak out,” she said.

“I’m not upset and I’m not freaking out.  There has to be a perfectly logical reason for this false positive.  You watch me when I take a leak. I am completely compliant and you know it. You shook down my luggage and all my clothes and I don’t know anyone in this town and I don’t have my phone and I’m certainly not ordering drugs. You know where I am, 24/7.”

I was chill.  I was serious as a heart attack.

Turns out, it was the Librium they gave me when I was admitted. It has a very long half-life.