HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY! (I actually hate this stupid holiday, but if it inspires guys to give you flowers and candy–which it never has in MY personal experience–maybe it’s not so bad.)
It was a year ago today that I had the first non-professional date with the Collector, and my first Valentine’s Day date in YEARS…for some reason, I am always single during this stupid holiday.
He called me the day before and said that he was in Los Angeles for business, and he’d like to visit me before he flew back to NYC.
I said, “Sure, let me know when your flight gets in, and I’ll run down to the airport and pick you up and we can visit.”
This put me under pressure, because now I had a houseguest coming at practically the last minute, and I’m one of those people who doesn’t like to entertain unless my apartment is spotless. I’m not the cleanest person, but I’d rate myself a 7/10 and I hire a professional cleaner to take care of the grunge I can’t be bothered with once a week. In any event, I can’t be comfortable with a guest if my hamper is out of the closet and there’s even dirty dishes in the sink or Abe debris on the floor!
So, the next morning, I’m waiting for the Collector’s call, scrubbing the dishes, and I hear a knock on the door!
I thought for sure it was UPS with a package from Amazon. I ran downstairs to answer it.
Well, you know who it was, readers: it was the Collector. He was carrying shopping bags and a bunch of roses.
I was mortified. I was sweating and my hair was a mess and I was wearing yellow rubber cleaning gloves.
(He had my address because he’d sent me presents in the mail before. He just took a plane in and got a taxi to get to my apartment, without telling me.)
I was taken aback by being ambushed like that, and apologized for my disheveled appearance.
He assured me that it was fine. “Finish your chore,” he said.
I returned to my dishes while he walked around my apartment. My apartment has a window in the wall that allows me to see into my bedroom from the kitchen.
I saw him open up my closet and touch my clothes. I saw him bend over and peek underneath my bed, and look in my jewelry box.
I didn’t say anything, just like I didn’t say anything with the Surgeon would go through my handbag or makeup bags.
I know what the Collector was looking for: evidence of a man and/or cohabitation.
Fortunately–or unfortunately, depending on your perspective–I was completely single in my personal life. Heinrich dumped my ass over the sex work issue.
I finished the dishes and said that I needed to jump in the shower.
“If you want to go to your hotel, I can pack an overnight bag with my BDSM gear and be there in about an hour,” I said.
“I don’t have a hotel.”
“Well, I can recommend a few. They’re not anything as fancy as you can find in New York, but some of them are modern and pretty comfortable.”
“I was hoping I would just spend the night at your home, here.”
Well, okay. Wasn’t expecting that, but okay.
It did put additional pressure on me, however: now I had to entertain an overnight guest as a hostess, and I’d made no plans to do so.
I took a shower and saw him rifling through my medicine cabinet. Later, we had to talk about the Naltrexone and Antabuse.
I got dressed and put on makeup while I schemed about where to take him in my little crappy city.
I decided to take him out to the desert. He’s traveled the world, but never really seen a desert.
I drove him out about an hour and a half in my Camry and then pulled over and took my guns (open and unloaded, of course) out from the backseat, along with hearing protection.
I taught him how to shoot. He’s a European; had never handled a gun in his life. The only thing he knew about it was from watching old cowboy movies, where you place the barrel over your forearm to steady it while you shoot!
We used my .22 bolt-action rifle and my .32 S&W revolver. That’s all you need, really. I enjoy shooting, but I’m not a gun nut, and, in my opinion, if you can’t hit something in six shots, you don’t deserve to have the fucking firearm.
We had fun and he was enjoying himself (he wasn’t half bad for a novice, either) and I suggested we go back to an indoor shooting range in town.
“Just telling you: you’re going to get some looks,” I said.
“How do you mean?”
“The way you’re dressed…and you do not look like the people from here. The people at the gun range do not look like you.”
Which is true. Most of the white people in this area are Northern European/Scots-Irish mutts, but they do not look or speak like the Collector. In New York, he’s not particularly exotic. In my home town, it’s different.
We went to the indoor range and rented a few different guns to try out. And, yes, he got some looks. I saw one guy spit on the floor when he knew I was looking. Let me tell you something about dating older men: it pisses a lot of people off, for reasons I cannot discern because it’s been the historical standard for thousands of years.
(I told my old analyst about this date in our last phone session together. She told me, “Margo, get those guns out of the house you share with him as soon as possible.”)
Then I asked him what he’d like to eat for dinner. I was nervous because he has a very cultivated palate and my town has mostly shitty food. I mean, there are a few notable exceptions, but fine dining is basically considered to be The Olive Garden.
“Do you have a butcher? I can make dinner,” he said.
We do, indeed, have excellent butchers. People around here hunt and kill a lot of game.
I drove us to the butcher and he purchased some excellent steaks, and then we went to Whole Foods for some expensive vegetables and cooking supplies.
“You only have one cooking pan?!”
“It’s all I need!” I responded.
Back at my apartment, he cooked us dinner, commenting that he could not believe how I managed to cook meals in such a tiny space. Probably why I live on Special-K and meal-replacement shakes and the odd pizza. His kitchen is ginormous.
(For the record, he did not make me feel the slightest bit judged or uncomfortable for living in an attic apartment in an old Victorian house. Believe me: a lot of rich people would have.)
“Open your presents!” he said, before dinner was served.
It was a cocktail dress and a bunch of super-pretty pink lacy lingerie. I hadn’t had a man buy me lingerie in a long time, so it felt special to get to play dress-up in my private life and not just for clients (which doesn’t count). I ate dinner, which was, of course, delicious, in a pale pink corset and matching thigh-highs. While I was wearing handcuffs…which was a bit of a trick (they were clasped in front). I just have a little wooden table with two chairs, because I don’t have guests very often.
Then he fucked me so energetically that he broke my flimsy Ikea bed. After it collapsed, we had to move the mattress onto my floor and re-assemble the bedframe later, which was a humorous but loving joke; a way to round out the evening.
He left me some money on my desk before he left in the morning. I didn’t ask for it. It was a gift. But, of course, I did appreciate it.