I wish to report that I hurled a shoe.
The morning started out great (is it just me, or does it seem like every blog post starts out the same way these days?). The Collector was in an excellent mood, and when he’s in a good mood, he’s wonderful company. He can be very funny and affectionate. We were having a fun, sexy morning, frolicking around in his bedroom and laughing.
He told me to go put on my new satin negligee because he wanted to see me in it. It’s very pretty, a cream color with beading and lace around the bustline and the hem. I guess it’s a nightgown, but it’s also lingerie.
Every boyfriend I’ve ever had likes to play dress-up with me. On one hand it’s objectifying, but on the other hand, if it’s done it the right context, it’s very validating and makes me feel beautiful.
He was lying on the bed watching me while I giggled and preened. When he turns the full force of his attention on you, it’s like standing in the sunshine (or a storm, I guess, if it’s disapproving).
“Put on your heels. I want to see how your legs look when you wear them,” he said.
I only had two pairs in the bedroom. “Red or nude?”
I stepped into them. For the record–and you’d never believe it, because of my job–I am not so very good at The Heels. After 3″ I get very clumsy, and, unless shoes are important to a client’s session, I prefer to be barefooted or in flat boots, because I have to move quickly and nothing says “domme fail” like a face-plant. I’m a huge fan of Dansko lesbian heels, and I don’t care if men don’t like it.
So there I am teetering around. Things are happy. Everything is good.
“Go get us some water and fruit out of the refrigerator and come back,” he said. “I want to have a little fashion show.”
I left the bedroom and sauntered down the hallway, laughing, with a little spring in my step. I was going to get tied up and laid and he was being adorable.
Well, the hallway opens up into the dining room, and, beyond that, the kitchen.
Guess who was in the dining room?!?!
His kids! Both of them!
I had no idea they were there! Nobody told me they were coming! Their flight arrived in the middle of the night when I was asleep! I found out later that Mantis (short for Preying Mantis) came in to do a college tour of a local university. The TV was not on; there was no music playing. They were not talking; there were no voices. I had no idea they were there! Their bedrooms are on the other side of the house!
They were sitting at the table eating some leftovers and playing on their phones. Including Mantis, eating the steak I was saving, that little jerkola.
I froze in my tracks and we just stood there, staring at each other.
What do you do…? What do you do in that situation…?
There was no way in hell I was going to walk by them to get to the fridge! Forget it! Not okay!
“I’m sorry,” I squeaked. “I didn’t know you were here.”
Then I turned around and beat a hasty retreat to the bedroom.
“Where’s the water?” he asked when I stormed in.
I took off my high heel and chucked it at him. I have never chucked a shoe, reader. I have never chucked a shoe in my life.
“You did that ON PURPOSE!” I yelled.
He held up his arm to defend himself against the high-heeled projectory and started laughing.
“Relax! I’m sure they did not mind! You look beautiful!”
“Of course they mind! It’s gross!’
He rolled out of bed and landed on his feet, all one smooth maneuver. He did gymnastics in college.
“Do I need to give you a spanking to put you back in your place?” he asked, still smiling.
“Mood is dead! Sorry, but you killed it!” I said. What I didn’t say was Want to see me change? I’ll change INTO SOME JEANS!
That is exactly what I did.
The Collector found the entire thing hilarious and asked me to go on the campus tour with them, but I figured it was Mantis’s special day and he didn’t need me to intrude, so it wouldn’t be right to attend without his specific invitation.
Neither boy said anything to be about the incident, but I still felt very self-conscious and ashamed about the fact that they saw me in my underwear.
Why would The Collector do that…? I guess he was bragging.