This post is about something that has been bothering me for a long time. I’ve never discussed it with anyone but other dommes at the Studio, but I want to write about it because I think it’s important for clients to know what’s out there.
I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently, because I have a 19-year-old client I’ve decided to re-book with. He LOOKS about 17. I knew he was young, because he described himself as an undergrad in his emails, but I didn’t know how young. When I opened the door, I couldn’t believe it!
“How old are you, son?” I asked, when he came inside.
(Interesting note: for once, I was not remotely afraid of a new client, even though, statistically, this guy was almost the top demographic for male violent behavior. I felt like I wanted to take him out for ice cream.)
“My birthday was last week. This is my birthday gift to myself. 19!”
I asked for ID.
“How do I know you’re not a cop?” He was so nervous that he was trembling all over. He had a buzzcut, light brown hair, and big eyes with thick long camel’s eyelashes (why do men always get the best hair and eyelashes? Why?)
“It doesn’t matter, because what you’re asking for isn’t illegal,” I said, which is technically true but also bullshit because the police have an “arrest-em-all-and-let-the-judge-sort-em-out” mentality. Then I opened the suitcase by the bed to display my gear, which, in retrospect, was probably not a good thing to do to a novice like him. It probably looked like a freaky-deaky torture chest. “Do you think the cops are carrying around a thousand dollars’ worth of SM equipment?”
He was so nervous that I offered him a drink from the minibar–he had two rums and Coke. It’s something I do automatically for all clients; I forgot he was too young to legally drink! Perversely, this is what I feel the most guilty about…giving liquor to a minor! I’d hate to encourage a kid to get a habit that becomes a problem, like mine.
We did the session. It was simple: a little tease and denial, clothed female naked male, very light bondage, and some spanking (no marks, nothing very heavy). He came three times. The first two times were involuntary, lol. He was really embarrassed by that, but I just found it amusing. The stamina teenagers have, WOW! I don’t have a lot of experience with young men…just a few. Even when I was his age, I was almost exclusively attracted to much older men, so this was an almost-novel experience for me.
Well, he wanted to book another session with me, and I thought long and hard about it. I don’t want to be responsible for corrupting the youth! PLEEZE PASS THE HEMLOCK (I am not seriously comparing myself to Socrates. Just trying to make a joke.)
But then I thought: If he doesn’t see me, he’ll choose another, and who knows what he’s going to get? At least I can…keep him safe, and give him a quality experience within his boundaries. A safe place to explore. What if he gets someone like Bad Domme?
Which brings us to the Tale of the Bad Domme.
There was a woman I worked with at the Studio who sexually assaulted her clients. I’ve honestly never heard of anything like it. I worked in commercial dungeons, all in all, for approximately 3 years total, and I never heard of anything like her, but she exists, so, it happens.
Intelligent woman. Not educated, but intelligent, you can tell by listening to her speak. Quick with the wit, observant, keen. She also had a great sense of humor. She was aggressive. A true Domme/Top…not like me, who’s more of a Service Top when I’m in that role.
She was beautiful, a stone fox. We attracted a few of the same clients because we were both tall, leggy, and had similar coloring–light hair, light eyes. Some drive-thru dungeon clients just pick a domme based on the physical “type” they are attracted to, so we got the same clients even though our personalities and temperaments were very different (most notably: I am….calm. She does not). She was younger than me, though.
She liked me a lot, and I know why: she was the same age as my students, and I was highly educated even though I came from a working-class background like she did, and she looked up to me and wanted my approval.
I liked her too…at first. She was hilarious, generous, attractive. Emotionally raw and transparent, which is a little fascinating for a super-cerebral INTJ like myself.
As I got to know her better, though, I started to withdraw almost at once.
She was very emotional, but her emotions were primitive, not complex. Also, she was impulsive and fearless, which sets off tons of red flags. And the aggression!
As I mentioned, we shared a few of the same clients…
….and I started to hear stories about her, from them.
I heard from four clients in all, over a period of about three months. The story was the same, every time: she tied them up (which they had asked for), and anally penetrated them (which they HADN’T asked for).
They were all uniformly aghast and appalled at their experience, of course. They said things like (I’ll never forget): “I didn’t want to see a domme again for about seven months. It made me really afraid to trust a domme again” and “I’ll never let a domme tie me up again. I can’t do bondage any more” and “I can’t believe that happened to me.”
These guys contacted the dungeon before they came back to make sure this domme was NOT WORKING when they wanted to come in. They were afraid of her.
As they should be.
I’ve heard of dommes doing batshit-crazy behaviors.
I’ve never heard of a woman sexually assaulting men/clients like that. It’s disgusting! There’s nothing wrong with getting butt-fucked, if that’s your thing, but you can’t do it to someone who doesn’t want it! That’s sexual assault! If you reverse the genders, it is obviously and completely criminal and unacceptable! It’s not less reprehensible just because the victim is a dude!
And these clients WERE JUST THE ONES I HEARD FROM! Who knows how long she’d been doing this? When this happens to men, they are even less likely to talk about it…and she knew it. She knew she could do it with impunity. What is a client (probably married) going to do? Go to the police and say, “I was sneaking off to the dungeon during my lunch break, and my dominatrix tied me up and fucked me up the ass with her fingers even though I asked her to stop?” Of course that’s not going to happen!
This is wrong on so many levels! These men are paying a lot of money for a professional service. They are trusting us and putting themselves in a vulnerable situation. How can you do this to them? And, also, who the hell wants to stick their fingers in some random stranger’s ass, especially if they are freaking out?
Answer: a psychopath and/or some sort of fucked-up sexual predator.
I approached the Bad Domme about this. She didn’t deny doing it. AT ALL. (Why not? If I did it, which I can’t even imagine,, I’d fucking LIE about it.)
“He wanted to be dominated. Are you telling me you feel sorry for these guys?” she asked, with an eye-roll.
Well, yeah, I guess sexually assaulting a person is DOMINATING them. And the clients were confiding in me and treated me perfectly okay in our time together, so, yeah, I do feel sorry for them. Nobody deserves to be penetrated against their will. What is wrong with you? As a woman, how could you not know this?
But I knew, instinctively, that she DID know it…and that she was doing this for revenge.
But that’s not okay. That’s something you need to work through with a psychologist. I admit that I have deeply ambivalent feelings towards men, because of my life experiences with them, but I am not motivated to be a domme/fetish worker because of my hostility towards men. I feel compassion for my clients (unless they are total jerks), because I know what it’s like to have weird sexuality and needs, and I am open-minded and…well, I’m me!
I didn’t confront her further, because I was afraid of her. Bitch could kick my ass.
I went to a manager I trusted and told her what I knew.
She was not sympathetic to the clients. Hate to tell you that, clients who are reading this blog, but that’s the truth.
I tried another tactic, since the appeal to human decency wasn’t working out well: “What she’s doing is illegal! What if she brings the cops down on this place?”
“Ha! You think the client is going to complain to the cops?” the manager laughed. And, as we know, she was right.
Bad Mistress was fired a few months later…for punching another woman in the face, in the locker room.
She went to another commercial dungeon, but I don’t see her listed on the Mistress page there anymore. I assume they fired her, too.
If you are a client in the Tri-State area, email me and I’ll tell you who she is. She’s dangerous. My email is firstname.lastname@example.org.
I have to go to work now, but, to wrap this up: I was thinking to myself, what if my young 19-year-old client booked a session with someone like her…? What would that do to him…?
I can keep him safe.