Welcome Back to the Gun Show!

Since I’m still stuck in this godforsaken place, I decided to embrace the local culture and do something that I certainly will not be able to do back in New York: fun with guns!

(I wrote about my experience with guns here.) 

         My Concealed Carry permit is expired.  I decided to renew it, so I called my old firearms instructor and signed up for his CCW preparation course.  I chose the most comprehensive course on his CCW menu of services, the Rolls-Royce of CCW courses, if you will, which will qualify me to apply for a concealed carry permit in no fewer than five states!  After this, I’ll be able to pack heat at a shopping mall in Florida, or at a nail salon New Hampshire!  Guns, while I get my eyebrows waxed, and a paraffin dip treatment for my feet!  A right guaranteed to me by the Second Amendment, as the Framers intended!

The course isn’t until next week.  In the meantime, I booked an hour and a half at a shooting range tomorrow.  It’s a new range I’ve never been to before.  I got a great deal on Groupon.com!  I wish I could show you guys the website.  I think my overseas readers would find it very interesting.   It contains gifs of waving American flags and calls unarmed citizens “shirkers” who “fail to contribute to the security of their community.”  They offer all sorts of classes, including “Citizen Defense of the Homeland” and “Low Light Defensive Handgun.”

Finally, I bought tickets for a gun show.  It’s one of the biggest gun shows in the United States.  I’m going to take lots of pictures and blog about it.  I think every American should go to a gun show once, if only to gain a better understanding of the culture.  If you’re wondering: it’s fucking hideous.  I know the decent hunters and sportsmen don’t like to be lumped in with the Timmy McVeigh Black Helicopter crowd, but when you’ve got a table from Ducks Unlimited and the GOP right next to a vendor selling Confederate-flag bumper stickers and The Turner Diaries, well, that’s the company one keeps.   Throw in the rich violent sociopaths from Safari Club International, and you’ve got fun for the whole family.

I’ll bring the camera.


10 thoughts on “Welcome Back to the Gun Show!”

  1. Nice to take advantage of rights you’d likely deny others. Fucking hypocrit! Seriously you need to back to New York City where you can at least live amongst those of like mind, instead of those you clearly despise. This post is sickening. But have you really seen The Turner Diaries being sold at gunshows? If you see them on display could you please take a picture?

    1. Anon, I’m a gun owner and so is everyone in my family. Lighten up. Perhaps my sense of humor in this post is not to your liking, but if you can’t see anything funny in American gun culture whatsoever, I can’t help you. It is ripe for satire. I did see The Turner Diaries at a vendor table at a gun show in Oklahoma. I only saw it sold once, so maybe it was a cheap shot for me to bring it up. That said, you cannot deny that the survivalist/Christian Patriot/Constitutional Militia/black helicopter crowd have a presence in the culture and, yes, at gun shows. That is not derogatory or controversial, it is a statement of fact.

  2. What the gun nuts should know, but clearly don’t is that the founding fathers were men of the Enlightenment, and therefore men of reason.

    They could not have anticipated the way in which arms technology would evolve. There’s a world of difference between a simple musket and an assault rifle that permits one man to wield the firepower of an infantry battalion of old. If they had taken this into account, it’s entirely possible that, as men of reason, they would have framed the Constitution differently.

    Here’s what they meant by the right to bear arms.

    http://www.businessinsider.com/what-massacres-would-look-like-if-gunmen-used-18th-century-muskets-2013-4?IR=T

  3. miss margo, i fear photos might reveal your location. please rethink your future blog post.

    anon 5:41, lighten the fuck up.

  4. The gun culture is something I know nothing about. Being an Irish-American from the Bronx, there were a lot of cops in my family, in my father and grandfather’s generations. Back then NYC cops were required to wear their service revolver all the time. I would see their guns but it was a business/work thing for them, no pride or sense of fun, just routine. Your neck of the woods sound like a rootin’, tootin’, let’s do some shootin’ kind of a place.

    I went hunting once, and actually fired the rifle. I was sixteen, and the guys at the hunting camp gave me some apple jack (which was a plus). We had to get up and go outside in the cold at 4AM (which was bad). On balance, not for me.

    I guess I won’t have anything to defend myself with when the liberals come to enforce Obamacare/gay marriage/low flow toilets/gas mileage standards/reparations/non-incandescent light bulbs or whatever. I shouldn’t joke about the light bulbs – that one really does piss me off.

    John

  5. Looking forward to it! I’ve lived in Texas most of my life, am a gun owner, and have been to my share of gun shows. They are HILARIOUS and simultaneously fucking terrifying.

  6. “A well regulated militia…” Gun nuts: “Hey! Let’s forget the part about a well regulated anything related to guns and just look at the latter part!”

    I’m all for regulated militia’s, like National Guard units, having weapons. The rest of gun owners, not so much. That said, shooting a gun sure is fun!

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