Since I’m still stuck in this godforsaken place, I decided to embrace the local culture and do something that I certainly will not be able to do back in New York: fun with guns!
My Concealed Carry permit is expired. I decided to renew it, so I called my old firearms instructor and signed up for his CCW preparation course. I chose the most comprehensive course on his CCW menu of services, the Rolls-Royce of CCW courses, if you will, which will qualify me to apply for a concealed carry permit in no fewer than five states! After this, I’ll be able to pack heat at a shopping mall in Florida, or at a nail salon New Hampshire! Guns, while I get my eyebrows waxed, and a paraffin dip treatment for my feet! A right guaranteed to me by the Second Amendment, as the Framers intended!
The course isn’t until next week. In the meantime, I booked an hour and a half at a shooting range tomorrow. It’s a new range I’ve never been to before. I got a great deal on Groupon.com! I wish I could show you guys the website. I think my overseas readers would find it very interesting. It contains gifs of waving American flags and calls unarmed citizens “shirkers” who “fail to contribute to the security of their community.” They offer all sorts of classes, including “Citizen Defense of the Homeland” and “Low Light Defensive Handgun.”
Finally, I bought tickets for a gun show. It’s one of the biggest gun shows in the United States. I’m going to take lots of pictures and blog about it. I think every American should go to a gun show once, if only to gain a better understanding of the culture. If you’re wondering: it’s fucking hideous. I know the decent hunters and sportsmen don’t like to be lumped in with the Timmy McVeigh Black Helicopter crowd, but when you’ve got a table from Ducks Unlimited and the GOP right next to a vendor selling Confederate-flag bumper stickers and The Turner Diaries, well, that’s the company one keeps. Throw in the rich violent sociopaths from Safari Club International, and you’ve got fun for the whole family.
I’ll bring the camera.