I’m a fan of Post-War pulp art. Well, maybe not a fan, I don’t collect it or know any of the artists by name, but I like to study the images when I find them online. I also get a kick out of awful men’s adventure magazines. I wish someone would digitize the back issues and sell it as an e-book. I’d be all over it!
All that I can do for now is enjoy the covers I find online. Let’s talk about some of the covers in my desktop folder. What shall we make of these?
Illustrious publication Night and Day revisits the burning questions: ” Should women be manhandled?” and “Are you mentally disabled?”
This edition of True Men addresses no fewer than three male anxieties: duplicitous, cheating wives; female sexuality (‘nympho torture girls’); and being made useless or redundant at work. Extra points for the racism! The artwork is actually pretty good, though.
What the heck is a “sin-doll race”? Does anyone know?
Personally, I’m rooting for the tiger here, but you know Buff McDangerpants is going to shoot him (men in these magazine spend a lot of time contending with dangerous animals, as we will see. Dangerous animals, dangerous women, dangerous Nazis…it’s all danger, all the time):
NOOOOOOO! Not the monkeys! At least three of these guys are toast: the one trying to climb back on the raft–those monkeys are going to drag him right down, the guy laying on his back and getting his face clawed, and the one in the water over by the ‘g’ in stag. Buff McDangerpants in the black vest must be the hero of the story. I bet it’s told in first person, and he’s the narrator. Go, Buff, go! Throw that fucking monkey!
Here we have two, count em, two attacking animals: weasels and a killer shark! Kudos to the artist, because I actually cringed at the weasel biting the guy’s neck. Also: can women justify their need for EXTRA-MARITAL RELATIONS?
Watch out for those giant jungle otters! Really, though, not too impressed with this one. The otter’s not doing anything for me and the artwork’s not great, either.
Whoever came up with “Cannibal Crabs to Kill!” deserves a raise! It doesn’t make much sense, though. If the crabs were cannibals, they’d be eating one another. I’d be afraid of crabs, if they were very very large, because they are fucking hideous sea bugs (they do taste delicious, though).
Why marry a virgin?–obviously, so she won’t have any basis of comparison when she experiences your dick and your technique in the sack, of course! She’ll have no idea whether you’re inadequate.
I love Buff McDangerpant’s face in this one:
Another thing I see in a lot of these magazines is the assertion that there is someplace, somewhere, where women are putting out. In the issue above, it’s Miami Beach. Here, it’s San Antonio.
A crocodile! Now we’re talking! “Give me my arm back!” Plus: sluts in DC and H-bomb anxiety. Those were the days! Seriously, when’s the last time you heard anyone say anything about our nukes? I remember a tiny bit of the Cold War from my early childhood. We had bomb drills in class–we’d have to crouch under our desks, as if that would do a damn thing to save us if the Soviets, for some bizarre reason, decided to nuke this stupid town. Remember when our enemies were Europeans, with a navy? Who could do calculus? Wasn’t that romantic?
Go, vulture, go! Get that dude! Tear his flesh with your curved beak! And….”American men can’t handle women”? As opposed to who?
Here they are again! Those vultures sure get around! And what could be more titillating than babes in danger? It never gets old. This Buff McDangerpants over there is going to be able to save her?
What else do we have in this issue…? What do you think those “pep pills” are: aphrodisiacs/date-rape drugs for women, or pills to keep your dick hard?
And of course, you can never go wrong with Nazis. The prevalence of Nazi imagery and as plot device in the stories is interesting to me. The Germans certainly make handy villains but, at the same time, I would have thought this generation of men would have too much unpleasant personal experience with them to put trivialize them in wank fodder like this. I have no explanation.
“Scream for my kisses before you die!” I should have used that one in a session.
Seriously: laugh, or cry? Laugh, or cry? I think…laugh, so you don’t have to cry!
Out of all of these covers, this one has the best artwork. That’s a great image. It’s visually interesting, and I can feel the movement in her body and the figures behind her. I wish I knew who the artist was. I also like how the woman, despite being in imminent danger (by black guys, this time, natch), has a gun, and is pointing it at something.
And, finally, a Western. This one has good art, too. Much better than the otter!