New Year’s Trip to New York

       I’m going to visit New York for a few days after New Year’s.  Specifically, I’m going to visit Heinrich.  He got me a nice hotel room in Midtown.    He has a spare bedroom in his apartment in Brooklyn, but he hasn’t invited me to stay overnight with him and he booked the hotel room for me (and yes, the name on the room is mine, I checked), which is a very proper thing to do, and, I think, for the best.  It takes the pressure off me, and if things go bad, at least I’ll feel safe with a place to stay (ever been trapped overnight with someone on a date gone wrong?  I’m sure you have.  It’s one of the worst situations to be in).  It’s a fun hotel, too.  I could invite my New York domme friends to hang out with me if I end up there alone–it’s not too far from the Studio.  

      I’m nervous.  He’s flying back to Germany to visit his family for Christmas, and it’s a bit of a relief because I know he’ll be busy and distracted.  

      I miss New York very badly.  Sometimes I think it was a big mistake to move back here.  It took about five months, but I’m starting to feel the restlessness, the stir-crazy dissatisfaction of living in such an isolated, provincial place.  I’m wary of trying to get closer to my old friends here again because I’ve changed so much since I left, and also because I have no intention of staying here for the long-run.  I’m teaching next semester at the local college, but I’m afraid to look for other, more serious employment here, because I don’t want to put down roots here.   I came here to save myself from myself.  I don’t know what I thought would happen.  Like I thought that maybe if I got out of the Studio and quit sex work cold turkey, all of a sudden I’d be normal and happy or something. 

        I went to the doctor and asked for a prescription for Antabuse because I feel like drinking sometimes.  I take it every day.  I take my medicine so that I don’t have to take my medicine, if you catch my drift.  Some people in AA say that Antabuse is a crutch and it doesn’t fix the problem in your head, but so fucking what.  Pass the crutches and call me Tiny Tim.  

        I finished my Christmas shopping.  Today on the way to work, I got a flat tire.  I had to walk the bike half a mile to the office, so I was late for work.  I called my brother and he helped me change the tube in the parking lot when I finished at 5.  It was already dark out, and getting cold.  I almost told him about Heinrich, but I didn’t. 

2 thoughts on “New Year’s Trip to New York”

  1. I hope you have a Merry Christmas, because you sure do deserve one! I just got back from Manhattan and it was nice. My apartment is in the LES, so no issues there, but you’ll need to be very careful in Midtown. There is tension in the air.

  2. Some people in AA say that Antabuse is a crutch and it doesn’t fix the problem in your head, but so fucking what.

    What’s wrong with crutches? Crutches help you to heal. They help make sure you don’t re-break your leg. In this case the “crutch” makes it easier to address the problem in your head without also having to constantly fight the urge to drink.

    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! You deserve it.

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