Heinrich wants to speak with me in person.  He’ll take care of the airfare, put me up in a hotel, all that.  He says that he doesn’t want to have this serious conversation on Skype.

        What can I say about him without compromising his anonymity…?  He’s a beautiful man, a hairy dark-blonde 6-footer.  Middle-class.  Elegant, actually.  Not upper-class, but middle-class, the German intelligentsia, to whom my father always aspired.  He has a modest, Lutheran religious heritage.  When he bought a new car, he had the dealership pry off the decals so that other people couldn’t tell what he spent on the car.  

         He has a good job.  He has two jobs.  Sometimes three jobs.  He’s a good Burgher.   

         He is a sadist.  He runs cold, like the Mathematician.  The Surgeon and The Attorney (and Professor T-Rex) ran hot.  

        What do I do…?

         Oh, yeah: he’s never been married and has no kids.  He’s only ten years older than me.  Given that I am almost exclusively attracted to dudes old enough to be my father, that makes Heinrich very age-appropriate.  

11 thoughts on “Heinrich”

  1. i left a comment yesterday suggesting that he fly you to NYC for a serious face to face chat. check your spam catcher. i like this idea. i am thrilled to hear that he is only 10 years older than you. i assumed that he was in his 50’s or 60’s.

    1. Yeah, I have a thing for older male authority figures. It’s sort of a curse, but I can’t help it. I’ve dated a lot in my life, but I think I’ve had exactly three sexual experiences with men who were my chronological peers. What can I say.

      Heinrich’s an attractive man, if you like blondes (I always have). I’ll see if I can get his permission to give you his Facebook.

  2. Go talk to him. From what you’ve said, he is a man you can trust. At the very least, it will get you out of town for a while.
    Other than that, who knows? If you are thinking long-term relationship, only you know what you want and need… but I can tell you from experience that being friends with a man before you fall in love with him, can be wonderful. I am lucky enough to be married to my best friend. It’s not a fairy tale, but it’s still pretty awesome.

  3. What do I do…?

    This may seem like a simplistic answer, but what do you want to do?

    It’s totally okay if you don’t know the answer to that yet. Your perception of Heinrich must have been changed by this revelation. You might need to take time to reconcile the old friend with the man who has been in love with you for years. If that’s the case, you might want to keep contact relatively infrequent while you adjust.

    If you’re sure of how you want to go forward, awesome! But if you’re not, you don’t need to make a decision right away.

    Wishing you well, no matter what you decide.
    *e-hugs if you want ’em*

    -random Canuck

    1. How? I’ve never even lived with a man. Also, I’m just a poor girl from the provinces. I have no prospects at this time. My only currency is what’s left of my looks. Heinrich makes like $150k year. His family would freak if he ended up with me.

      1. I love your blog. Imho you are an incredibly insightful intelligent woman and amazing writer . Again I feel like an idiot commenting on a 5 year old reply but it is painful to me to hear you say your only currency is your looks. To my mind you have so much going for you. I’d like to read that you married Heinrich and lived happily ever after but I’m guessing that didn’t happen. I hope you are doing well at present time.


  4. Perhaps I have a different understanding of love, but the combo of “loved you for years” and “how could I integrate you in my greater life” seems incomprehensible to me. I can’t imagine having years-long feelings that are deeper than mild infatuation with someone and giving that much of a shit over what my family/friends/etc would say about them. Also, didn’t you also have a straight job for at least some of that time?

    Anyway, I think you should talk to your analyst about this, he or she is bound to have heard more of Heinrich across the years and understand the dynamic between you two better than J. Random Commenter. Other than that, I second random Canuck’s “do what you want”. In fact, to twist meanings of verbs a bit, I’d say that the first question you should ask yourself is do you want this man, circumstances of life be damned at this stage. All these problems are definitely something you should think of, and discuss with him at some, but one should consider the goal before considering the potential obstacles.

    As for the whole dagger thing, it does look kinda dubious, and the whole BDSM-is-normal-but-not-sex-work deal only works for a very idiosyncratic definition of normalhood, but you’re the one who knows the man, not me.

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