Reader Mailbag: “Pro Dominas are Not Sex Workers.”

     From a comment left on my previous blog post:
      
 Pro Dominas are not sex workers. The term Sex workers comes from prostitution. Now, it’s completely different to call yourself that only if… You actually slept with your clients. Please don’t confuse people with what’s really true for professional Doms, it’s enough to have to fight stereotypes without people confusing them with other people’s sexual appetites. Love the blog though. Keep up the good work and stay in good health. 
M.M.


You stated your difference of opinion with kindness and respect, which I appreciate, so I’m not going to get bent out of shape, but…we’re going to have to agree to disagree about this.

       A prostitute and activist, Carol Leigh, did coin the term “sex worker,” so, yes, it “comes from prostitution.”  Currently it is used to describe those in all areas of the sex industry: web cam girls, phone sex operators, strippers, escorts, and, yes, prodommes.  “Sex worker” is used in academic publications and by legislatures and it’s in the dictionaries and it’s legit as can be.  I think it’s a fine phrase myself.  It’s very clear, accurate, and non-judgmental. 

        If you don’t think that prodommes are in the sex industry, well, I can’t help you.  For what it’s worth, I denied that I was in the sex industry for the first year I was prodomming, too–I didn’t want to have anything to do with the stigma.  Bottom line is that I have seen way too many naked male bodies and male orgasms to delude myself.   These dudes are not coming to us for therapy.  Prodomming can involve craft, and it can be therapeutic, but, I dunno, I’ve seen shrinks for years and I never took off my pants before I lay down on the couch and my analyst wasn’t taking notes with latex gloves on and a bottle of bleach solution in the dresser.   I won’t belabor the point because I’ve written about it on this blog before, but prodomming is part of the sex industry.  

         I have no interest in “fighting stereotypes.”  A lot of the public still thinks vibrators and spanking are kinky and threatening.  They are never going to accept most BDSM as being “normal” and I’m fine with that because technically they are right.  This shit isn’t normal.  It’s not wrong or bad, but it’s not normal.  

        I did not sleep with my clients and I never touched a penis unless I was torturing it or tying it up.  Not so much as a hand job, although frankly I would have preferred to jerk some of them off than endure a lot of the body worship, which was often unpleasant for me.  Even still: boners and orgasms were involved at least 70% of the time.  

         In what other industry are boners and orgasms involved…?  I cautiously presume massage therapists and nurses/lpn’s might see a few involuntary erections or even orgasms because of all the physical contact their work requires…but that’s about it.  

        I do not believe in whorearchy and I do not think that fetish work/prodomming is substantially different, much less superior, to escorting/prostitution.  A difference of degree, but not in kind.  As far as I’m concerned, our political struggles and work experiences are the same, except that they have it even harder because they’re fully criminalized and at higher risk for arrest.  The cops don’t distinguish much between prodommes and escorts.  Neither does the public, your priest, or, quite probably, your client.  

         Maggie McNeill, author of The Honest Courtesan, has written extensively about whorearchy (and all aspects of sex work), and I recommend her essays to anyone who would like to know more about the issue.  I’ve never linked to her blog over there on the sidebar because I ultimately will not endorse her politics, but she is a very talented writer and all of her sex work stuff is top-notch.  I wish my blog was as clean and well-organized as hers.  She’s a librarian, and it shows. 

         Thank you for reading and thank you for your kind words about my blog!  I am glad that you enjoy it and I welcome any future correspondence. 

          P.S.  Actually, I did sleep with one of my clients when he was still a client: the Surgeon…but we had a relationship, so I tell myself that it didn’t count.
       Mr. Wolf eventually got blowjobs.  So did Fortinbras.  It was my idea in both circumstances because I trusted them and was crazy attracted to them.  No regrets (if anything, now that I’m celibate and lonely and stuck in the sticks, I regret not fucking them when I had the chance).  I miss those guys.  My favorite clients.  So much fun.  
        


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