Grabbed by the Throat

Update 11:30 PM: Back home, safe and sound, and $500 richer.

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I’m going to meet a new client in a few minutes.

Oh please, God, I hope he doesn’t hurt me.

I need to quit this job.  Party is OVER, man.  Party is OVER.


8 thoughts on “Grabbed by the Throat”

  1. I took the liberty of sharing the URL of this blog with my lovely friend, and the first thing she wrote back to me was:

    “Holy shit. She needs to stop the work or she will be in trouble.”

    Take care young lady.

  2. Will be in trouble…? I’m already in trouble!

    I had my “business card” nightmare last night. That’s a reoccurring dream in which I attend an academic conference or lecture and stay afterward to chat with the professor. We agree to perhaps collaborate on some research. I reach into my pocket and take out my business card case and hand him…THE WRONG BUSINESS CARD!!! In red ink, it has an Ouroboros below and eagle and says “M. Margo Oppressor for Hire.”

    “What the heck is this?” he asks. BUSTED!

    Okay, going to gym to work off anxiety now

  3. There should be a group for ex-dom who quit and do not want to relapse. It is dangerous. Eventually, real harm will be done to you. This is especially true for independent work.
    Please move on to something else. Anyway this is not like you can do this into your sixties.

    1. Oh, but you CAN do it into your 60s! One of my most successful domme friends is in her 50s and she has scads of clients–many more than I.

      About the rest: I agree with you.

      The work is fascinating and it helps pay the bills, but it isn’t exactly gratifying, and it isolates me and keeps me from finding a relationship.

      But you quit when you’re ready. You quit when you’re ready, and not a moment before.

    2. I stay corrected about old doms.
      As for the last sentence, it sounds like a defeitist truism to me.
      “When you are ready” should not be when you have a hotel room phone cord around your neck. I know you are smart. It does not stop me from being worried

    3. Maybe, just maybe, the eating disorder, relapses, secret jobs, lack of boyfriend are a package deal.
      I do not know what you have to quit. Not for sure. You tried addressing independently the eating, the drinking, the relationship. Quitting the business is worth a try. I know the money is needed for the apartment. Surely, downtown Manhattan is not the only suitable place for you in the country

    4. The point of your comment is ambiguous, so I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and not be offended.

      $400 a month–what I would save if I moved to a similar apartment in an outer borough–is not going to make a meaningful difference in my quality of life.

      I have no intention of leaving New York. Why would I?

      I think you’re a little jealous, friend. I have maximum freedom, and you have none.

    5. “As for the last sentence, it sounds like a defeitist truism to me.
      “When you are ready” should not be when you have a hotel room phone cord around your neck. I know you are smart. It does not stop me from being worried.”

      It is not a defensive truism. It’s simply purveying the obvious. No addict, or person engaging in compulsive behavior. changes until they want to…or until they just DO.

      I am changing now. Into what I am changing, I do not know.

      I’m sorry that I worry you, but if it help, I am nowhere near the dark place I was in five years ago.

      I hope that your family is well.

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