I updated my financial spreadsheets yesterday. The last two weeks have been sadly slow. Here’s to hoping that all the tri-State area wackadoodles who are my bread and butter are, even now, driving back into the city. Kids driving you crazy with their fighting in the back seat? Mad at wife you’ve been trapped in the same house with all summer? Your boss’s secretary called and says he needs to see you in his office first thing Tuesday morning? Call your friendly neighborhood dominatrix. She will take your mind off of it.
Yesterday I had a session with a Swede. That’s a first for me. He was pleasant, with a calm, gentle demeanor.
He wanted a bondage session. I’ve been avoiding those since the Mathematician because it makes me remember hurt feelings, but yesterday I decided I was ready to do it again. I got through it just fine and actually had quite a bit of fun with it.
I’m not as quick with the rope as I’d like to be, but I still managed to get him into four different positions over the course of the hour (sanitizing and re-bundling all that rope afterward was a bit of a chore, though).
The best part was when I had him tied standing up to a post, with his arms behind him. It looked pretty awesome. I was standing across the room admiring my handiwork when inspiration hit.
“You look like Saint Sebastian!” I said.
“Saint Sebastian! The martyr! He was killed with arrows. Hold on, I’ll be right back.”
I ran out of the room, probably causing the fellow a little distress, and went to the supply closet. There, I found one of those children’s toy bow-and-arrow sets with suction cup arrows (I have no idea what it’s doing in there, but it’s been around forever):
I went back to the room with a big grin on my face and proceeded to shoot the arrows at him until all of them finally stuck to his body. It took a few minutes. I put his sunglasses back on his head so that I wouldn’t accidentally take his eye out. That would be fun to explain to the ER doctor. Blindness by misadventure, or How a Dominatrix Shot Out My Eyeball On My Big Apple Vacation.
Eventually, I got em all on him.
“Cool! Can I take a photo? Can I take a photo if I put a bag over your head? This is great!”
Alas, he wouldn’t let me.
After the session, I fetched my laptop and looked up images of Saint Sebastian to show him. I figured maybe he was unfamiliar with Sebastian because the Swedes are protestants.
He peered at the screen and laughed: “That’s very funny. But gruesome, no?”
“Only if you use real arrows.”
“Well…I meant the art.”
Well, I suppose…but it certainly commands one’s attention. Besides, Catholicism is gruesome. Lots of masochism in Catholic art. Lots and lots.