Karate Champ. Ball Buster. British Imperialist. Online Dating Coach.

     This is a one-off, but I need to record it because it’s so funny.  It had all the women at the Studio in hysterics yesterday (I was there and not in the library because the library is closed on weekends). 

     Mistress Betsy is a beautiful blonde amazon.  She also takes karate lessons.  

      She has a client who likes her to dress up in a karate uniform (a gi?) and beat him up with karate moves and then kick him in the nads.

      Pretty standard “wrestling” session (I don’t do wrestling sessions, by the way.  Too much physical contact and honestly, when I do it, I feel like a moron.  No judgement on people who enjoy it, however–I certainly understand the appeal.).  

      What starts to make it interesting is… the karate outfit.

      Betsy refused to bring in her personal uniform for the sessions.  (I understand.  For whatever reason–compartmentalization, I suppose–I never wear my “work” clothes outside of work.  I have some great cocktail dresses and leather pencil skirts in my locker that I will never wear other places).  So, her client agreed to purchase a uniform to wear for his sessions.

       Then he started to customize it. 

        He went nuts.

         I dunno.  This karate uniform is this Pakistani dude’s hobby.  He does all the alternations himself, by hand.  The sewing is very crude, but hey, it’s a labor of love.

       The white outfit has a huge patch of a tiger face on the back.  He has also added gold braid epaulettes, reminiscent of Capt’n Crunch, to the shoulders.  There is also gold braid on the sleeves, like a Star Trek uniform.   Yesterday he brought it some military medals that he purchased at an army supply store.  

        I watched Betsy affix them to the breast in front of the mirror.

       “Ha!  Ha!  Do I need to salute when you walk into the room?” I asked.

         Next, he says, he wants to get a Union Jack flag patch to put on the sleeve.  This fascinates me because his homeland was colonized by the Brits. I have seen many nonwhite clients fetishize racism or military occupation.  It makes sense when you think about it.  

          I wish, wish, wish I could take a photo of this karate uniform for you.  Forget the costumes in Kill Bill.  This uniform is where it’s at!

          After getting karate-chopped and ball-stomped, our fine young fellow asked for Betsy’s opinion of his online dating profile.  He says he’s not getting much response and he wanted her opinion about how he could improve his ad.

          She diagnosed the issue immediately: “You need another photo.”

           She ran back after the session and said that we had to see his guy’s profile photo before he changed it!  What was he thinking?

           It was a picture of this guy sitting in his cubicle at work.  

           This was not an interesting cubicle (though it was, at least, clean).  It was gray.  There was a computer.  No plants, no photos, no decoration, no window in the background with a view, nothing.

           This guy.  Sitting in a cubicle with a white button-down shirt on.  Under the harsh overhead lights.  NOT SMILING! 

           I stared at the screen, amazed.  “Honestly, if I didn’t know this guy, I’d be inclined to believe that this photo is a prank.  It has to be a joke, right?  He’s trying to be sarcastic or something?  He really plays guitar in a rock band in Brooklyn?”

         When he gets a girlfriend, I wonder if he will ask her to wear the customized karate uniform. 

5 thoughts on “Karate Champ. Ball Buster. British Imperialist. Online Dating Coach.”

  1. Miss Margo, I love your blog and I’m a huge fan, but not this post. I realize it’s your job to look down on men, and the studio’s clients in particular, and that your own experiences with men haven’t always gone well, but being socially inept is to be pitied and helped, not ridiculed.

    I’m not even sure it’s justified; so he works in an unadorned cubicle. So what? Some companies don’t allow adornment, especially if he is a contract worker, or one who moves cubes a lot. When you boil it down, you describe a serious guy, with a steady job, nicely dressed in an office environment. He does not control the decor of the environment, so why blame him? If any of you had an 8-5 office job, you might not be so quick to cast aspersions. We can’t all be hot shit pro dommes. Okay, he should have a picture in a natural setting and smiling, but he knew enough to ask for help from members of his target market. For his request, he gets a bunch of cooler-than-thou yentas deriding his choice of photo. Okay, he made a bad choice, are we saying that he’s the only one who’s ever made a bad choice? We’re not saying THAT, are we?

    Let she who is without sin…

    As for the Karate uniform…c’mon, he showed effort. That’s got to be more than 99% of what the other client’s do. Okay, it’s a little silly, but isn’t this all just a little silly at some level?

    I like hearing about the biz, and I actually like to hear how the dommes really feel about the guys. It’s just this post felt a bit like you were all beating up on a cripple; a social cripple, but a cripple nonetheless.

  2. Hi there.

    Sorry if my tone sounded too sarcastic, but I actually do have appreciation for this man’s Karate uniform. That is why I describe it as fascinating, and a “labor of love.”

    And yet, the uniform is, as it has evolved, is unusual and wacky. Pointing that out is not being cruel or dismissive. It is merely purveying the obvious. As I’m sure you know, it is possible to laugh about something without holding it in contempt.

    I know EXACTLY what cubicles are like because I have worked in…FOUR of them myself. More, if you could census and poll work. I have spent years of my working life in a cubicle, Downlow, sometimes with management who dictated when I could take my 15-minute break. I assure you that you will find no mocking of cubicle-workers on this blog. I am a communist, after all.

    If you want to hear me evidence contempt for a client, consider Chester.

    We were talking about the photo because it was completely unattractive for a DATING PROFILE. I could have taken a picture of this guy waiting for a bus with a smile on his face, or even talking with his friend, and it would have been better bait to potential daters. If you cannot appreciate why an image of a not-smiling man in a blank cubicle would be a poor choice for a dating profile photo, then I can’t help you.

    We did laugh at it a bit, but not to his face, and she gave him good advice that would help him in his online dating, so I fail to see what he problem is here. Am I not allowed to find humor in this insane job?

    Thanks for reading

    Comrade Margo

  3. Oh, one more thing:

    “If any of you had an 8-5 office job, you might not be so quick to cast aspersions. We can’t all be hot shit pro dommes.”

    I know you were mad when you wrote this, but it is, nonetheless, both rude and inaccurate. Please allow me to explain.

    I don’t know all the women at my Studio, but I am at least passingly familiar with more than half of them. MANY of the ones I know (including myself) work “office jobs,” go to school full-time, or work as hair stylists or in restaurants as barkeeps or waiters. One does real estate. One works as a dental hygienist and another works at FedEx. The reason why these women work AT A COMMERCIAL DUNGEON is because they are part-timers who use pro-domme work to supplement their incomes. Dungeon work also allows them to work mostly anonymously without risking their outside jobs (or custody of their children, if they are mothers). It’s also safer, and some of these women are supporting all sorts of dependent family members.

    If they were “hot shit pro dommes,” they’d be Indys who make domination their career, or at least their full-time job for a while. And the career dommes are not “hot shit,” they are freelancing businesswomen who invest a ton of effort to maintain their businesses. It’s not a part-time job for them. The blogs and websites successful Indy dommes set up are mostly commercials.

    These women were not rich divas (or “yentas,” I had to Google that one) unfamiliar with “real work” and mocking Dilbert in his cubicle for being a loser with a 8-to-5.

    Finally, Mistress Betsy gave Karate Man a homework assignment to do till he sees her next week: approach one women he finds attractive as he goes about his day and chat with her for 2 minutes with no intention of asking her out. Just initiate small talk and leave. This takes the pressure off him and helps him gain confidence and become more insensitive to brush-offs. Betsy is doing this free of charge because she has compassion for him. She would not do this if she was laughing at him.

    His karate uniform is still goofy to see. Lol.

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