Long time, no blog.
I’d like to reiterate my thanks to the people who gave me advice about how to handle Fortinbras. I feel in control of the situation and I have a plan now. I intend to write about that in greater detail soon.
Today is Father’s Day, which is always a difficult holiday for me. I do not speak to my father, but I presume he is alive because the government has not notified me of his death. I am his next of kin, so I expect that they would contact me if he died. I have an elder half-sister in Germany whom I have never met. I almost never think of her, but I do wonder, from time to time, whether we look alike, and what path she has taken in her life. My father says that he went back to see her when she was a few years old (this was before I was born), and she was cold and hostile to him. Good for you, Gretel. Would that I had that luxury and willfulness when I was so young.
I envy her because she was spared our father’s control. That is not to say that I assume she had a healthful upbringing–even the best parents fail somehow, and something had to be wrong with Gretel’s mother if she seriously entertained Franz Adler as a partner and voluntarily bore his child.
(I do hope that you are healthy and happy in some beautiful German town, Gretel, and I hope that your mother found a kind and responsible man who became a loving and proper father to you.)
I looked through photographs of my family today. I found one of my father as a young boy–maybe 11, 12, 13 years old…? I don’t know children, so I can’t tell. He is wearing starched dark farmers’ bluejeans with a crease in them, and a neat button-up check shirt with a stiff collar. He is carrying a metal lunch pail to bring to school. He is standing in front of a tiny house with a wrap-around porch, and he is smiling. The blue eyes look colorless in the black-and-white. He looks so happy. A normal boy.
I wish I had a time machine and could go back in time to kill my grandfather for what he did. I really would do it, you know. It would be my pleasure.
To end this rather depressing post on a happier note, here is a plush toy I purchased from the store. It is a daddy owl hugging a baby owl! I love it. I put it on my bed.
Long time, no blog.