Tortured by Neighbor’s Awful Sex Soundtrack Mix Tape (Cutting Crew)

      One of the reasons I like my apartment building is that I usually don’t hear a peep from my neighbors.  The street four flights down can get a little noisy on late Summer nights, but my neighbors are typically quiet.  The walls in this building must be solid brick or I must have exceptionally quiet neighbors.  

     That changed this week.  

      Some English guys–two or three–moved in across the way.  Not the hallway, but the way between the bedroom window and the apartment across…well, a bricked-in corridor of nothingness.  It’s difficult to describe.  I’ll try to post pictures so that you can see for yourself. 

      Anyway, one of these English guys is disturbing my serenity with his SEX SOUNDTRACK.

      I’m not picking on him for his sex soundtrack.  I have a sex soundtrack myself–I  have multiple soundtracks, in fact…different soundtracks for different partners.  You probably have a soundtrack, too.  Lots of people have them.  

      The English guy across the way has a very…unlikable sex soundtrack.  It is starting to make my life, ahh, unpleasant.  At first I thought it was funny and I spammed all my friends with email about it, hooting with laughter as I typed.

       It’s not so funny anymore.  The joke is on me, I’m afraid.  

       Can you guess what his soundtrack is?  Quick!  Think of the worst, cheesiest sex soundtrack music you can imagine.

       NIN “Closer?”  Anything by Tool?  

       NO!  It’s even WORSE!  (And God, did I just date myself?)

          “I Just Died in Your Arms!” by Cutting Crew!  Shoot me now!

           It’s not even part of his Sex Soundtrack Mix Tape!  It’s the entire soundtrack!  He puts the song on repeat!  He had his girlfriend over the other night and I heard “I Just Died in Your Arms” six times! 

          Why?  Why, God, why?!

          (And, inexplicably, this video has 6,020 ‘likes’ on YouTube and only 59 ‘dislikes’…well, 60 ‘dislikes’ now that I’ve added my contribution.  WTF approves of this music?  Like Arab terrorism and the post-Industrial economy, I have been subjected to this awful fuckin song my entire life, and I resent it.  When am I not going to have to listen to bad 80s Baby-Boomer pop in the grocery store?)

4 thoughts on “Tortured by Neighbor’s Awful Sex Soundtrack Mix Tape (Cutting Crew)”

  1. Of course they are compartmentalized! The men all have different personalities, you know! Though there is sometimes some overlap in the selected music, the soundtracks themselves are definitely different.

    The Surgeon’s has been retired into the Hall of Fame, or wherever sex soundtracks go to die. I just can’t listen to that shit without remembering all the times he choked me out with his belt and then went digging through my handbag (pop quiz: am I joking?). The Mathematician’s has been disassembled and recycled, because I’ll be damned if I let him ruin any music for me.

    Woman in Berlin was utterly appropriate for where we were. That, or ‘Welcome to the Jungle.’

    I did enjoy our time together, and you, tremendously.

    Check back for the Abduction Weekend series. I think you’ll get a kick out of it. It’s taking so long to post because I have to make sure I don’t include identifying info of any of the people involved, and then I have to wait for Heinrich to sign off on the draft, since, you know, I’m writing about him.

    1. Idem.cannot believe it was more than 3 years Go.

      Please do not go for these crazy scenarios too often. The number of ways it could degenerate…

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