Clients: Please Don’T Lie About the Serious Stuff

      One thing that I always enjoyed about the Surgeon was hearing him tell stories (aka “complain”) about patients.  Boy oh boy, did he have stories.  Entertaining stories.  Incredible stories.  

      (It was also pretty fun to hear about how he dealt with them.  As you can imagine, he is not known for his comforting and therapeutic bedside manner.  The things patients wrote about him online routinely made me laugh so hard that I cried.)  

     One thing that I always found astonishing was his assertion: patients lie.  

     “They lie…?”  I asked, honestly puzzled.  “Why would anyone lie to their doctor?”

      “All kinds of reasons.  They’re ashamed or self-conscious about something.  They made a mistake.  They’re trying to manipulate me to give them what they want, and they know I won’t want to do it.  They don’t want to admit that they’re wrong.  All kinds of reasons.”  

      “What do they lie about?”

      “Anything.  Everything.  Date of birth.  Hepatitis.  Seeking second opinions.  History of past procedures.  How much they smoke.  You name it.”  

       “That’s so weird.”  

        But you know what…?  

        I believe it.  Oh yes, I believe it.  
     
        Know why…?  

         Because clients lie to me.  Not all of them, or even most of them, but a surprising number of them do lie.  

        They lie about their experience level and skill set.  They lie about other mistresses they’ve served or subs they’ve mastered.  They lie about being drunk.  They lie about being on coke.  

       What surprises me most is when they lie about things that I honestly do not give a shit about (and usually don’t even ask about or think about), like whether they’re married or what they do for a living.  

        If anyone is reading this who hires professional sadomasochists to get your kinky pervy needs met, please, please, I implore you: don’t lie about the important stuff.  Please please please! 

       PUH-LEEZE!

       I say this because when you lie about the important stuff, bad things can happen.  Or, as the excellent Domina Irene Boss hilariously calls it: “A BDSM-related accident.”  

      A few examples…recently some dork at the Studio lied about being on Viagra (why would he take viagra, I wonder?  He’s not getting laid.  And if he did take it, why would he lie?).  The mistress asked him about it specifically, because he wanted a partial inversion.  Well, he passed out and scared the shit out of everyone. NOT FUN!

     Another one was a client of mine.  A new guy.  Never saw him before.  

     I was moving him around by his hair, as I am wont to do.  He was making exaggerated wincing noises, so I checked in with him.  Asked him if there was anything wrong.

     No, no, he assured me.

    So I kept dragging.

     When I took my hand away, I looked at my palm.

     (can you see where this is going…?)

      There were fucking hair follicles all over my hand!  This guy had gotten hair plugs and didn’t tell me about it!  He let me pull on his hair plugs!  Why?  Because  he was vain, or what?  Hair plugs aren’t cheap, either! 

      Finally…the story that takes the cake…the most incredible story of client lying I’ve ever heard.  If I didn’t know the woman well, I think I would have dismissed this one as an urban legend.

       Man comes in for a smoking session.  Old guy.  Seems nice enough.  He wanted a little rough treatment, but mostly his kink was just having cigarette smoke blown in his face or forced into his mouth for an hour.  My friend Lisa tackled it.  

      I guess towards the end, she gave him a pretty hard thump in the chest, and he screamed…and he’d declined to remove his shirt early on, even though he’d taken everything else off, which was kinda weird.  

       He confessed to Lisa that he’d recently had major surgery…a double lung transplant.  

       You can guess how that made her feel, after she’d forced half a pack of Camel Reds down his brand new lungs.  

       Guys: don’t lie about the major stuff.  

      This has been a PSA from Miss Margo S&M Productions. 


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