Overstimulated

      Long time, no blog–for me, at least.  

      I’ve been listless, and the last week has been very weird.  I’ve been working hard.  It’s the end of the semester, so of course my students want to see me.  Two shifts a week at the Studio.  Five independent appointments. 

       After I got back from Thanksgiving, I was telling myself that I needed to hustle.  Two weeks’ lost wages from the Hurricane, then part of a week with the family for Thanksgiving, and the cost of the plane tickets…it was time to get back to business.  I’ve been very aggressive about it.  As I’ve written on this blog recently, if I’m going to do this, I ought to Go Big.  Why fuck around?  I’ve cultivated an impressive skill set and I still have most of my looks. 

      It’s been lucrative.  But also very weird.  Not necessarily bad, though there have been moments of distinct unease…but weird.  

      Let’s take a moment to quote from Hunter S. Thompson:

“No sympathy for the devil; keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride…and if it occasionally gets a little heavier than what you had in mind, well…maybe chalk it off to forced conscious expansion: Tune in, freak out, get beaten.”

         (We all know what happened to Hunter Thompson.)
      
       I knew the stress was getting to me when I started forgetting what day it was…(that reminds me of how it was sometimes when I was drinking).  Another afternoon I was in the library at Stevens Tech working with a student, and this needy demanding secret job guy blows up my Batphone, all agitated and wanting my attention.  I muted the phone and soldiered on, but let me tell you, it is stressful when compartmentalization fails and people break into parts of my life where I do not want them and they do not belong.  

      Needy demanding agitated client is a psychologist, by the way.  I find this blackly ironical.  Perhaps you will, too, gentle reader.  I am cutting this guy loose this week.  Sayonara, buddy!  

     The hunger hasn’t been good for my mood, either.  I may as well say it–it’s been 1000 kcal and the gym every day.  Not the most sober behavior.  I tell myself that it’s not quite disordered behavior, it’s more like a crash diet.  The results have been satisfying, but the hunger is difficult to cope with.  It’s very intrusive.  

      I need a plan.  That’s what I need–a plan.  

      On that note, I’m going to jump in the shower and start the beauty rituals.  Appointment with Mr. Wolf in a few hours.   


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