The Men of Craigslist: Huh?

     I feel much better today!  Yesterday I was a bit blue and I had no idea why (aside from the unresolved relationship tension).  Muh feelings!  Muh feelings!  Fuck feelings.  They suck. 

      Much better today.  Maybe the stack of sweaty, crumpled $20 bills sitting here on my desk has something to do with it.  It looks like he must have pulled the money from its hiding place in his mattress.  $400 last night to kick a wackadoodle around my apartment (I covered the bird cages so that they wouldn’t see and get traumatized).  The guy was pretty weird, but nice enough.  He was a film geek.

       “You mean you haven’t seen The Umbrella?”  

       I shook my head, sitting next to him on my sofa. I was wearing a fascimile of a Catholic schoolgirl uniform, and my hair was in braids.  I felt silly, but whatever.  It was his dime.  

       “I can’t believe you’ve never seen The Umbrella!”  He wailed, as if I’d said that I’d never seen Forrest Gump or something.  

        Moving on…..

      I think almost all of my 8 readers are men.  I base this on the fact that almost all the people who ever leave comments are men, but I don’t really know.  In any event, I hope that I don’t alienate my male readership with the following:

     Men are fucking crazy, and they are even crazier when sex and hormones are involved, and they think they might be anonymous.  

     I spent half an hour this morning browsing the Craigslist personals ads.  I wasn’t looking for a connection, I was just looking for entertainment.  As usual, Craigslist didn’t disappoint.  

      Want to look at some ads…?  OF COURSE YOU DO!  

       First, we have a banana clip fetishist.  That’s a new one to me, which is saying a lot: 

Do you have long hair and wear banana clips? – 37


Date: 2012-11-18, 10:28PM EST
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


I love how long hair looks up in a banana clip. Drop me a line if you rock them. I’m an attractive, fit, professional, SWM. Please be intelligent, fit, and attractive.

 

Next: home repair in exchange for handjobs.  This guy actually doesn’t sound so loony-toons.  He seems earnest and sincere.  It wouldn’t be such a bad idea, except for the fact that I can’t imagine any woman, anywhere, taking him up on it.  Am I wrong?  Do you think this fellow has a chance…?  

HOME REPAIRS FOR WOMEN – 50 ( L I & QUEENS)


Date: 2012-11-19, 10:02AM EST


GOOD LOOKING PROFESSIONAL TRADESMAN OFFERS FREE HANDYMAN SERVICES IN YOUR HOME OR APARTMENT FOR WOMEN ONLY. THERE IS NO CHARGE FOR MY WORK BUT YOU MUST BE WILLING TO STROKE ME . I DO ALL TYPES OF SMALL REPAIRS ASSEMBLY FURNITURE INSTALL SHELVES HANG PICTURES OR INSTALL FLATSCREEN TELEVISIONS. THIS IS A GOOD OPPORTUNITY FOR WOMEN WHO NEED HELP AROUND THE HOUSE BY A SAFE DISCREET GENTLEMAN.

Finally: garden-variety exhibitionist perv.  For mysterious reasons, he felt compelled to list his profession in his weird sex ad, as if being a banker was in any way germane to the topic.  And check out that photo!  Girls don’t act that way of their own accord, you silly goose!  How can you see that as sexy, and not completely contrived?  Bet your ass those models laughed their heads off when they went out for a cigarette break after the photo shoot!

  Is that really what goes through your head all day?

Watch This Tall, Lean Exhibitionist Banker Show off – m4w – 26 (East Village)


Date: 2012-11-17, 11:48PM EST


Tall, lean investment banker here who LOVES to show off – imagine we meet, and I slowly strip and start playing with myself until I am rock hard. I tease you as I stroke back and forth, and after a great show I explode.

Anyone interested? Some pics below give you an idea of what I am looking for. Can host or travel.


4 thoughts on “The Men of Craigslist: Huh?”

  1. Having creeps knowing where you live is dangerous. Please be safe. Your tool of defense is a liability in that town. I do understand you know what you are doing. Nonetheless, I am worried to know your job as an indie Dom is taking off. The dungeon is much safer, no?

  2. It is much, much safer.

    It’s also a time-suck, dysfunctional, and it takes 60% of the fee. But, like government, one pays for infrastructure…

    Don’t worry–I almost never have people at my place. Security, and a lack of privacy. Last night was an exception.

    I miss you. Happy Thanksgiving! How’s the kid?

  3. That banker one cracked me up. I just loved his description of it as a ‘great show’. Are we talking singing and dancing here? Should Cirque du Soleil give him a call? Or is perhaps just a dude sweating and grunting noisily while jerking off? Perhaps he’s using the rhyming slang version of banker.

    And your Umbrella loving friend reminded me of this article:
    http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-girlfriend-still-hasnt-seen-apocalypse-now,1504/
    Many years ago, as an earnest undergraduate, I might have even drifted a little that way myself. Fortunately life soon knocks those corners off. At least for most people.

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