Psychopathic Advertising II: Lawyers

     I collect weird advertising.  

     I seldom go out of my way to look for it–weird advertising is so ubiquitous that come across it whenever I bother to pay attention.

      Bigtime corporate advertising is usually the most insidious of the genre.  When it fucks up and gets weird, the results are usually spectacular, because you’re looking at a fuckup that cost tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars to produce and was conceived and executed by dozens of highly trained professionals.  
    
      Like this one: 

  

      I’ve posted it before, but I can’t get over it.  It’s a total head-scratcher.  How on earth did anyone think that this ad would go over well?  Think of all the people who had to green-light this thing!  And Burger King paid for the ad! 

      I feel kinda bad for the model.  Everyone’s got to make a living, but if I was her, I’d leave this one off of my resume.  

      But I digress…

      Corporate advertising is usually at the cutting edge of psychopathic propaganda and weirdness.  Without a doubt.  However, we should not neglect the humble advertisements of local small businesses and self-employed professionals.  They might not have the sophistication and high-end production values of the ads of multinational corporations, but they can still be very weird.  Very weird indeed!  And they have a sort of rustic charm to them–a wacky quality one never sees in, say, commercials for Apple or Nike.  

       Take lawyers.

       Now, when I think of lawyer commercials, I think of a guy in a conservative suit seated in front of bookcases full of law books, speaking solemnly into the camera.  

       But did you know that there is a shitload of cheesy, hilarious, cornball lawyer commercials out there…?!  

      Maybe you did, gentle reader, because you’re not an eccentric wackadoodle recluse like myself.  Maybe you knew, but I didn’t know.  I just discovered these ads this morning, when I woke up at 4 AM and couldn’t get back to sleep.

      This one is my favorite!  Berger & Greene pulled out the Special FX for this one!  I was so distracted by the flames, explosions, and mayhem in the background that I missed the message the first time around.  Jesus.  Makes me want to buy life insurance.  

   
 Next: J. Michael Gallagher wants to represent you during your divorce.   Divorce is notorious for bringing out the worst in people, and I guess Gallagher just decided to drop the fig leaf of decency and offer his clients what they really want: revenge!  Who needs dignity when you can ruin your spouse’s holiday?  Deliberately making your divorce as hostile and antagonistic as possible–what could go wrong? 


 

      Silver-tongued charmer Steven Miller, of Divorce E-Z, went into law after failing to realize a career in foreign diplomacy (joke).  Call him if you want to get rid of that vermin you call a spouse!

      Next: Spencer & Associates wants to turn your pain into rain!  I guess the “rain” is a rain of cash, I dunno.  This commercial is problematical for several reasons, but I am oddly hung up on the way that the judge pounds his gavel onto a book of post-its.  



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