Public Service Announcement

     Dear affluent, professional, married, well-known kinky Tri-State Area wackadoodles:

      You.  Yes, you.  You, Mr. CEO currently facing charges from the SEC.  Upper Saddle River, NJ.  

       Why did you respond to my secret job ad from your professional email account, with ISP #s in the headers, using your real name, and attaching a cell phone number that immediately came up on your LinkedIn account when I googled it…?

      Are you out of your fucking mind…?  What’s the matter with you?  

      I bet you are in trouble with the SEC because all of your decisions are characterized by such recklessness, lack of foresight, disregard for consequences, and poor impulse control.  AMIRITE?

     Actually, this goes for all of you–all of you who email me from work with all of your personal information in your messages.  

     You, NYC Controller Accountant.  You, Hunter College Prof.  You, architect.  You, pediatrician.  And all of you Financial Services Wall Street assholes who caused the recession–you guys are the worst of the lot (shocking, right?)! 

      Have you ever considered the repercussions if your employer or your family or, hmmm, the Post knew that you were emailing me on a company computer while you were getting paid to work?  I’m not a dog walker or pilates instructor.  You’re not inquiring about getting your hot tub cleaned.  You’re writing weird wackadoodle shit to some stranger on the internet you’ve never met.  Doesn’t that make you anxious..?  Even a little bit?  

      Picture this: Your boss, an HR representative, and a member of legal counsel come into your office and present you with printouts of the emails you sent to me.  What are you going to say?  What are you going to tell you family?  

     I know I must be out of my mind to do this crazy stuff.  I know that it’s dangerous.  But you know what…?  I’m also a nobody, and I’m not supporting anyone financially except myself and a parrot.  I still compartmentalize like mad.  To the best of my knowledge, I’ve had two security breeches.  One was a friend who stabbed me in the back, and the other was a client I became too friendly with.  

      But if I was a CEO with my name in the Times and the SEC website and I wanted to contact a wacky girl to get my wacky pervy needs met, I think I’d exercise a little caution.  I think I’d e-mail her from a gmail account at a Starbuck’s in a different neighborhood.  Yup, that’s what I’d do!  That would be the LEAST I could do in order to rest easy at night! 

      For heaven’s sake, guys, get a clue.  Take care of yourself.  You’re lucky that I’m a decent person and that I protect you from yourselves.  How can you not ever stop to think about what you’re doing?  


5 thoughts on “Public Service Announcement”

  1. Giles–yes, it’s odd. It is inexplicable, actually, and it ever ceases to amaze me.

    I don’t know if some of these guys–who have so much to lose, I mean really, careers have been ruined for much less–enjoy flirting with danger, or if they’re just stupid or naive.

    I almost had a stroke when I googled that CEO’s name. He’s all over the internet. Why hire a dominatrix when you’ve got the SEC on your ass?

    1. It’s not inexplicable. These guys have gotten away with so so much already in their lives, so why not this? They are all alpha males/sociopaths and being careful is not in their vocabulary. My guess is that what you see them do in the dungeons is what they really are, and they just act in their jobs in order to adhere to some societal norm.

  2. Anon, whoever you are, this is beautifully stated and really gives me food for thought.

    When I consider everything I know about these types of guys…what you say rings true.

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