Okay, so…this blog is, in part, about disclosure, so here it is (because I’m not going to tell ANYONE else in my life):
I joined–or re-joined–the BDSM personals ad service CollarMe.
Shoot me now! barf barf barf barf
I only just re-joined fairly recently and I already want to die. Why don’t I just give it up? I’m doomed! Doomed to be alone forever!
(Though, realistically, I know that once I’m in a relationship and get comfortable, I’ll be saying, “I’m doomed! Doomed to live forever in this boring-ass relationship! THINK OF ALL THE OTHER EXCITING STUFF I COULD BE DOING!” Like Chris Rock says: You can be Married and bored, or single and lonely.)
I’ll just put myself on the record now as saying: CollarMe is a sewer. A. Sewer. A sewer on par with Craigslist, if Craigslist was all BDSM and lacked community policing. It is so bad that I almost didn’t post about it here, because I’m so ashamed of being a member.
I’ve received about a hundred responses to my profile so far. Four are promising. One dude is a diplomat with compatible political tastes. We’ve been emailing and chatting back and forth. He’s cute, too! Very well-educated. Age appropriate–well, pretty much–younger than 40.
The catch…? (Because you KNEW there was one!)
He’s stationed in Asia.
Another good hit: a dashing Army officer. Used to be a Drill Sergeant. Imagine the possibilities! The mouth waters, it positively waters!
But I ain’t moving to the army base in Hicksville.
I did find a promising shibari teacher. That’s good.
And I found The Attorney. Or, more accurately, he found me. Yeah, that Attorney–Mr. Sadistic “The Pizza Was Fantastic!” My profile was up for less than two hours when he contacted me.
I didn’t respond, but I have to admit, I still think about that man from time to time. I know he’s bad news and I dodged a bullet with him when he rejected me, but those were superlative beatings. That man was so skilled. So, so skilled. He was so precise. God.
**shaking myself out of it**
God help me.
Anyway…until I throw in the towel on CollarMe, again, and run screaming in the opposite direction, again, I am going to start a new blog series: “CollarMe Hell.”
In CollarMe Hell, I will share ghastly, demoralizing, and/or hilarious shit I find on CollarMe. I’ve actually been kicking around this idea for some time, but I’ve never done it because it feels mean to pick on people’s internet dating profiles. I mean, really. But I figure, if I don’t share people’s correspondence, or face, or share the screen-name/alias attached to whatever I post, it’s not that bad, is it…? Especially if I take it down if anyone complains?
Anyway, here is the first installment of CollarMe Hell. Sent from the profile of a male dominant who emailed me:
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