Cue music, maestro…
*singing* yes I am just a sleep-deprived neurotic person with a crazy sadistic Surgeon boyfriend, working away here on my NYC plantation! My landlord traumatized me and I gave him alllll my money, my students get wayyyyy too much return for their money, I dominate weirdos and there is a cockroach under my bed. This manuscript was written by a moron who makes ten times as much as me. Yes, sir! I NEED A VACATION
Okay, in my brain, that totally was a song. I hummed it.
When I awoke this morning at 5:30 for no appreciable reason, blinking up at the ceiling and listening to the motor of my cheapass worn-out air conditioner (it’s starting to sound like a Boeing jet trying to take off), I decided that I needed to get the hell out of Dodge for a few days. It’s been a year since my last vacation. I go home to visit family a few times a year, but when you are sleeping in your Mom’s house, it’s not exactly a vacation, you know?
I found just the place!
The British School of Falconry in Manchester, VT! I can go play with raptors! The resort also offers archery lessons and shooting lessons! I already know how to shoot, of course, but not how to use shotguns for sport. Look at these Yankees and their neutered English-inspired sports weaponry. Pffft. Where I come from, we use ASSAULT RIFLES. (I am kidding. Sort of.)
I could go before Halloween–when the leaves have changed. Fall colors. In the lull after midterms. Will give me time to save, and hotel rates will be cheaper. Three or four nights–I really need some air and a hike, but I know, realistically, that I get bored fast in the country. Run around in those little hills they have out here.
Also: should I take a dude with me, or just count on finding one there? Best bet is to take one with me, but then he’d be, you know, there all the time. The eternal conundrum. The comedian Chris Rock has this skit that I love–he says, “You can be married and bored, or single and lonely.” Even on vacation. I was talking about that with Sofia. She believes that every woman should have at least two men. Aside from a brief period of celibacy when I broke up with the Surgeon, I have had between one and four at any given time over the last three years, but I haven’t lived with any of them, so I don’t know if that counts.
Cue music, maestro…