Sorry I haven’t been posting so much this week. I saw my analyst last Wednesday for the first time in almost two months–since just before all those problems happened with the landlord–and it was emotional. I had a very, very busy and difficult summer.
I made coffee last Sunday for my crispy burnout A.A. meeting. We had a business meeting afterward. The Alcoholic Coffee Wars continue. Some dude who only shows up approx. once a month stayed for the business meeting and raised his hand to suggest a motion:
“At the secretary’s break, the person giving the announcements ought to ask if there is anyone who wants to bring cookies and coffee to next week’s meeting! Then we can assign cookie duty. That way, every week, there will be cookies. Also, do you just throw out the coffee grounds, or what?”
SHOOT ME NOW!
Handsome Englishman raises his hand: “I have to comment. This meeting, though I love it, is full of flakes. People will take cookie duty and never show up. And what if someone is going through a hard time and thinks they can afford cookies, but then is not able to bring them before the meeting? We want them to come anyway, and not feel defensive about it.”
New “Assign Cookie Duty” guy is incensed. “It’s just a way of encouraging people to come back! If they have a responsibility, they’ll come back. It’s a gesture of welcoming to the newcomer.”
On and on it goes.
The high point for me was being able to wink at Handsome Englishman when the argument was getting nuts and say, sotto voce, “This is like a Monty Python skit.”
That cracked him. He had to fake-cough.
Humor aside: the speaker for this AA meeting was very inspiring and humbling. I sat there silently listening and leaking tears for most of her qualification. I do not cry easily. This person’s addiction messed them up so badly that it cost them EVERYTHING. And then the loves ones started to die due to heath problems or freak accidents. And then this speaker got sober a few years ago without any concrete motivation or rewards (besides health and life, but those don’t matter to a using addict very much).
I always think of that when I see young addicts resenting the meddling of their families or loved ones. I think: You ought to be grateful some people still care enough about you to meddle. You ought to be grateful that you can still go to rehab. You keep this up, and in time nobody will want anything to do with you. They will learn to protect themselves. And then you will have nobody to get better for.
This all reminded me of my father. He burned through all of his relationships–I was the last to leave him. It’s not as sad for him as you might imagine. He does not need human company.
Without insurance, I couldn’t go to rehab even if I needed to.
ON A HAPPIER NOTE: WEIRD RANDOM PHOTOS FROM MISS MARGO’S DAY!!!!
Sighted in subway station: dark red aquatic turtle plush toy animal with huge cartoon features. On a gate. Abandoned. What? Why? Who knows?