Update: After three hours of internet research (thank you, Planted Tank Forum!) and many, many failed attempts, and much unladylike swearing and puddles of fish tank water all over my floor, I got the Eheim running again.
Pisses me off so much. Eheim is, supposedly, the premier aquarium filter in the world. I invested something like $300 for that German engineering when I could have bought some $80 hang-on-the-back shit at Petland Discounts. German, my ass. If one single thing in that filter was assembled by a European, I’ll eat my shorts.
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If anyone out there has an Eheim Pro II 2026 filter and you know how to troubleshoot it, please shoot me an email: email@example.com
The motor’s running, but but I think something wrong with the impeller. The indicator ball isn’t moving. I had a problem last year with the gaskets and fixed it. I’ll check again tomorrow, but right now I’ve been working on this for two hours and I’m homicidal.
Changed the water. The fish should be okay overnight.
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Back to THE MAIN SUBJECT OF THIS BLOG POST:
Cognitive Dissonance is the feeling of distress and confusion you get when you hold two or more conflicting ideas or values in your head.
Belief 1: I despise cleaning so much it makes my hair bleed.
Belief 2: How a woman maintains her house is a testament to her feminine honor.
See how that works out…? Isn’t that FUN?
But wait–it gets better! The cognitive dissonance I experience regarding housework is quite layered and complex–truly, it is unresolved.
Belief 1: It is lazy and bourgeois to pay someone to do something that you are capable of doing for yourself.
Belief 2: The idea of having a cleaning lady makes me want to weep with happiness.
And there’s MORE! We could do this all day! I do do it all day!
Belief 1: I absolutely do not want to have that kind of relationship with another human being.
Belief 2: I would rather code datasets or gut fish than put laundry away.
It goes on and on, but that’s enough for now. You get the picture. There is no solution. There is no way out. Every option is bad. I cannot hire a maid without feeling like a failure and dying of shame. So I must clean, and despise it, and be aware that I don’t have to be doing all of it myself.
I always told myself that if I ever lived with a guy, I’d have to pick someone who was a total neat freak. Neat freaks keep everything really clean because they can’t tolerate it otherwise. PROBLEM SOLVED, right? But no…living with a neat freak causes other stresses. My mother’s a neat freak, and living with her was like living in a museum (it did cause me to be very neat, however). The Surgeon’s a neat freak, and I can only imagine how spazzy and tyrannical he must be at his house. Remember the first scenes in that Julia Roberts film, Sleeping with the Enemy? When Robert’s OCD psycho husband said something like “You didn’t hang up the wash cloths the right way! And the labels on the soup cans have to be facing outward!” and she cowers “I’m sorry! I forgot!” Yeah. Good times.
Surely I am not the only woman in the world who has to deal with these inherent contradictions. Actually, I know that I’m not. One of the most astonishing internet flame wars I’ve ever seen happened on one of my favorite blogs, I Blame the Patriarchy, over women and housekeeping. The commentariat on that site are all feminist brainiacs with strong opinions. When they started to debate housekeeping, domesticity, and the ethics of hiring a maid, it was a spectacular Chernobyl-level meltdown. I read it for, like, four hours.
(update 2:25 PM: here’s the link to the exchange…it’s too provocative and entertaining not to share, though I hope linking to it doesn’t cause Twisty to be mad at me : http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2007/06/15/marriage2/ )
Why? Because if you hate to do chores, there is no way out of this mess.
I’m writing this now as I procrastinate running back down to the laundry mat. And doing laundry is not even that bad! Know what’s the worst? The worst chore in the world?
Not bathrooms. Bathrooms are okay. Gotta have a clean bathroom. I never minded having to do that one.
Not mopping floors. The swiffer makes short work of it.
Not cleaning the bird cages. I want my birds to have clean homes!
Not ironing. Ironing is kinda relaxing, actually.
The worst? Putting away folded, clean clothes.
I hate it! I hate it so much! I hate it so much that I will actually take clean clothes out of the hamper and wear them! I will live out of the clean hamper clothes! ARGHHHHHH!
Yeah. Putting the clean clothes bad. Even worse than cleaning the microwave. Ugh.
What chores do YOU hate?
Filing this one under “complaining.” Oh yeah.