Doors Opened & Closed

   I wrote like a demon this morning.  Three thousand words; not too shabby.  The pink tablet of a (legal drug redacted) my friend at the Studio gave me probably helped with it, but I’ve been pretty productive all week.  

     Tomorrow I have an extended appointment at the Superstudio with a psychiatrist who also has a Ph.D. in psychology.  I met him a few days ago.  He was seeing another Mistress, and I came in for ten minutes for a tip and dramatic effect.  The good doctor was so interested in me that he came back to see me three hours later, even though he was…quite well used.  

       I couldn’t ride him hard, so we took it easy and talked a lot.  He seemed shocked and thrilled that I understood all of his academic references.  For whatever reason, this always pisses me off.  Why wouldn’t I understand your references, jackass?  Am I not eloquent?  I told you that I am educated–do I seem to be lying? 

      He asked me out to dinner afterwards at A Voce.  No, I will not go out to A Voce with you.  I do not know you.  Management will fire me (besides, I am under retainer to another crazy physician, and food is not on the menu of his therapy schedule). 

      Can I come see you in a few days?  If you trust me then, will you come see me when I travel?  I’m very impressed with you!  My students don’t ask such serious questions! 

        “I don’t have sex with clients, Doctor,” I said, snapping on a fresh pair or rubber gloves.  “That sort of thing may be procured elsewhere with a minimum of effort.” 

        I know that.  Of course I know that. You would have your own room, your own space.  You could leave whenever you wanted.  I have a beautiful place in Boston….

      I turned around again and eyed him carefully.  Sizing him up.  One of the things working in the Biz has taught me is how to read and interact with people that I would normally never, ever come into contact with in my day-to-day life.  I’m not saying I’m a mind-reader or an excellent judge of character, by any means, but I think I can get a decent handle on a lot of these guys.  

       I see someone academically successful, intellectually vain, ambitious (at his age!) and insecure about the fact that he is only financially very comfortable instead of being rich, like most of the people he interacts with socially (and probably treats as a clinician).     Goddamn, goddamn, my antiques are mostly expensive imitations! Wife has died or dumped him.  He is lonely.  Wants to shoot Dr. Phil in the face.  Will be THE BEST PSYCHIATRIST EVER!!!!  In the 70s, I was into Gestalt Therapy. 

       “Come back in a few days, if you wish.  We’ll see how it goes,” I said. 

      “What is your shoe size?  Would you bring me a sample of your writing?”  he asked.

    Size 7 and Are you crazy? I led him out.

     I have no idea how it’ll go tomorrow–experience has taught me not to expect anything, one way or the other.  I am skeptical.  He’s an interesting fellow because he is so flashingly intelligent, but that’s about all I think about him right now.  I have no investment.  

     I will say, though–on this topic–that this work can open doors for a talented and attractive woman.  Hell, she actually only has to be one of the two in order to get some impressive benefits.  There are women at the Studio who’ve made this their career, and they own their own condos in Manhattan and summer in France. It is astonishing, truly astonishing, the people and personalities you can run into in this profession.  I’ve always had straight (usually academic) jobs, always done this part-time, and I’ve never considered it to be anything other than a way to make ends meet financially whilst I was working towards a more meaningful career.  I’ve never used this work to, say, promote myself.  Quite the contrary.  I operate under layers and layers of lies and aliases.  The only authentic pieces of me that most of them ever get access to is the connection I give them during our time together.  

       But I have met individuals, and had experiences, that I do not think I ever could have had otherwise.  The Surgeon is the most obvious example, for better or for worse, but there are many, many others. 

     It’s a resource.  Not necessarily material, but definitely a resource.  To have access to this experience, this expertise, this perspective.  It is an education.  

      But everything in life is a trade-off.  And I know what I have traded for this freedom and knowledge.  

One thought on “Doors Opened & Closed”

  1. Dear Miss Margo,

    I think that professional dominatrices have mad people skills. To make any sort of living at it, a woman has to read people, react in the moment, and be immersed in yet somewhat detached from an emotionally intense scene. Open to the emotions of both yourself and the sub, yet keeping a perspective on both. Sensing how far to go, what direction to take a scene, honing that emotional instinct.

    I’ve been friends with a couple of dommes as they approached the end of their careers. Since they had no credentials to prove they had these people skills, and, let’s face it, very few jobs require these exact skills, they all had problems finding something to transition to. The most successful had an entirely separate career track. They were going to school or starting work in another field, and they stopped domming when that came to fruition, not when they had to.

    Other women I knew (and it’s only 2) were approaching forty and did not have many options. They both were thinking of going into some kind of New Age healing jobs. They were trying to draw on the therapeutic part of the job and make it work in another setting.


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