Psychopathic Advertising

     Woke up at 4 AM and couldn’t go back to sleep.  I hate going through the day with that groggy, unrested feeling.  I have to return a manuscript soon, so I’m working under a deadline, and it’s so much harder to concentrate when you’re operating at about 70% capacity.  

     I am deranged from lack of sleep.  I’d go to the doctor about it, but the last time I did that, a Meddling Psychiatrist fucktard tried to diagnose me with an eating disorder.

     I’ve been crash-dieting for days now.  The scale says results (FINALLY!).  The Surgeon is not going to tolerate me at the weight I was at.  Hell.  I couldn’t even tolerate myself.  

       I trust you with my insane neuroses, gentle reader.  To the rest of the world, I present myself as an educated and accomplished individual, but here, on this little slice of blog, I let it all hang out.  

      Let me tell you about a weird hobby of mine.  Have a shared this one with you?  I don’t think that I have.  

      I collect weird advertising.

      There is a shitload of bizarre advertising out there, and when the mood strikes me, I cut it out or copy it or take photos of it, and sock it away like a crazy demented squirrel.  

      It fascinates me for several reasons.  One, it’s like a nutty psychological Rorschach test.  Two, it’s nifty from a sociological perspective.  Three, it’s funny.  And finally, I have to wonder: who are these people?  I mean, really.  Who comes up with this stuff?  

     Take this one.  I thought that it had to be a joke, but it’s not.  I saw it on the train and online, so the Alberta tourism board, incredibly, not only paid for this but also approved its publication.


Create what? Achieve what? Penguins?  Racial diversity? This terrible ad?

        A black dude wearing a necktie in front of a glacier surrounded by penguins.  

      Okay, well.  Alberta probably has about six black residents, so I suppose it is possible that one of them could be hanging out in this ad.  He’s a handsome fellow.   But why is he wearing those clothes in the wilderness?  Wouldn’t a parka be a better wardrobe decision?  And what’s up with the penguins?  Is Alberta trying to capitalize off of them before global warming kills them all?  


    Another Canada tourism pic.  Huh?  I like Polar Bears too, but I wouldn’t get this close to one. 

      What about this one.  Besides the fact that it is idiotic and tasteless (but still probably better-tasting than the sandwich it promotes)–if you are going to have the woman give the phallic symbol a BJ, could she AT LEAST look happy to do it?  She looks terrified.  That fucks with my mind, man, it weirds me out.  I don’t want rape imagery in my damn Burger King ads, man.  

The Tucker Max asshole Dudebro who came up with this ought to be shot.

    I hate the way your eyeballs feel when you don’t get enough sleep.

2 thoughts on “Psychopathic Advertising”

  1. Thanks, Dawn! I’m glad you enjoyed it. I wrote it off the cuff, but it’s been surprisingly popular.

    The Alberta Canada one surprises me the most. Burger King is gross, but one expects that from a fast food corporation. But Alberta…what were they thinking…? Ad agency should have their contract terminated.

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