Two Krazy Bitches

  Argh…I spent most of the last week in an inexplicably foul mood.  Listless, morose, sometimes hostile.  Not entirely sure why.  I experienced something unique and intensely upsetting, and maybe that had something to do with it.  I wish I could be more forthcoming with the details here, they’re…very personal.  


     Riding fast on the heels of Intensely Disturbing Experience, I had to deal with–not just one–but two krazy bitches.  I don’t want to sound like some disgusting sexist oinker when I say “Bitches be crazy,” but in this case, bitches actually were crazy (I think I read that on Savage Love).  


     One of them was just a dysfunctional cracked ragamuffin who SOMEHOW got hired at the Superstudio.  Whoever hired her should be taken out behind the barn and shot.  This chick rubbed everyone the wrong way within ten seconds of her arrival.  


      I was sitting in back, already in a bad mood because I was laboriously editing a manuscript written by someone who was apparently engaged in a never-ending holy war with the English Language, and Miss Cracked Ragamuffin cranked up the volume on her laptop so that she could sing along with KORN (no I am not making that up) and unplugged my laptop so that she could plug in her hair flat-iron.


    I had to endure this person for about 16 hours of my life that I will never get back.  


     She was fired from the Superstudio in a truly spectacular fashion.  I would have paid big bucks to have been there–unfortunately, I wasn’t working that night.  Apparently, Ms. Ragamuffin Korn Fan stole a bottle of the Russian manager’s vodka from the top of her desk and tried to sell it to a client who was all coked up and wheedling for a drink.  If you are thinking: Wow, that sounds like a bad idea! you’d be right.  I myself would not so much as borrow a pencil from Russian Frau Farbissina’s desk without her expressed permission.  I’m surprised the girl got away with her life.  


     Not one day after that, a nutball Ukrainian was expelled by force from my apartment building.  A deeply unpleasant creature, this woman would insult (usually in a feminine, passive-aggressive way, though not always) anyone and anything she laid eyes upon.  Here, I will give you one example.


      Scene: At Local Laundry Mat: 


      Her: “Hey, where you get that watch?”


      Me: “This..?  Uh, I don’t know–it’s an old gift.”


      Her: “Looks nice, but is cheap, ya?  Ees good for cheap!” 


     When they kicked her out, she went BALLISTIC.  I have never seen an adult flip out like that.  I was observing from up the stairs just in case the cops needed a witness.  I am surprised they didn’t have to take this woman out with a tranquilizer gun, the way scientist Park Rangers anesthetize Lions in the Serengeti so that they can get close to them.  


     She noticed my presence towards the end and turned on me, pointing her manicured hand with its fake acrylic french-tip nail: “DEED YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT ME?!” 


     I almost said “no” and then changed tactics: “What would I complain about?”  


     Long story short: they got rid of her and I wasn’t assaulted.  


      More soon.  I’m sleepy.  


2 thoughts on “Two Krazy Bitches”

  1. What would you complain about indeed? I’m going to iTunes and downloading me some Korn right now! You cracked me up this morning! Thanks and I hope you are feeling better!

  2. Hi, Advo! I’m glad you enjoyed it. I’m feeling much better, thank you for asking. As you can see, I got my sense of humor back. I could direct you to Ragamuffin’s Fetlife photos. You’d crap purple twinkies. Her craziness is evident even in photographs. She also has Snooki-poof hair and tarantula eyelashes

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