What I Want for Christmas: Torture Me Please, Mr. Fiennes

YAAAAY I mailed my rent check!  YAAAY I mailed my rent check!  Now that that’s taken care of, I can turn my attention to more important matters: imaginary boyfriends!


      What imaginary boyfriend are we up to now?  I think #7.  I will have to check.

       Anyway, I’ve had the most crushable crush on Ralph Fiennes since I was 12 years old.  Of my prepubescent crushes, Mr. Fiennes was the last, and by far the most enduring (the other two are Yul Brynner and, to my eternal shame, William Shatner.  Captain Kirk, actually.  What a corny sexist oinker Kirk was!  Today I’d throw my drink in his face.  But when I was a kid, I thought he was hawt.  Incidentally, I also wanted to be the mermaid on the Chicken of the Sea can ).

Miss Margo’s Dream Job, age 7!

       Mr. Fiennes is a terrific actor and I think that he is so goddamned beautiful that he does not seem to be human.  I mean, really–insofar as beauty is concerned, I do not see how he could be improved upon.  He’s got a big nose, but a big nose on an otherwise well-proportioned face looks regal and debonair, somehow.   Feinnes does a lot of period pieces, too, so I get to look at him wearing wonderful clothes (I am nuts for 1920s-1950s wardrobe, and I subscribe to GQ magazine just to look at at the male models in their suits.  Though, the mag does have really good journalism sometimes). Oh my god.  The End of the Affair was totally forgettable, but I own it on DVD just because I love to watch Mr. Fiennes walking around in those clothes!  And in The English Patient–oh ma gawd!!!  When he was all jealous?  “Are you going to drag him into your little room?”  And in the bathtub?  Oh ma gawd!   AAARGH so exciting–Mr. Fiennes, where are you now?  I am as pretty as Julianne Moore (she does have better hair, though)!

“Miss Margo, would you please chain me to your bed and take all my clothing away?  Alternately , I would love to beat you with a stick!”  
Bare feet and shirtsleeves!  Bare feet and shirtsleeves!  Miss Margo cannot express sufficient  enthusiasm  for this.  Yes, keep him chained to the bed.

SOOOOO HAWT…!!!


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