Miss Margo’s Relapse II: Fear and Loathing at THE SUPERSTUDIO

      After a nap and a spring roll, I no longer want to die.  My enthusiasm for life is minimal, but hopefully the worst of the crisis has passed.

     This was the shittiest 72-96 hours I’ve lived since…well, since I STOPPED DRINKING.  I guess that is why I STOPPED DRINKING in the first fucking place.  

    A month ago I was TyRANTosaurus Margo, and now look at me, crying on the train whilst inhaling candy and wishing I was dead.  What changed…?  Oh yeah, vodka and divorcing myself from humanity.  Not necessarily in that order.  But you get the picture.  

     Yes, I am trying to express my sense of humor–that means I am not emotionally dead–it is pathetic and awful, but funny, to cry and eat gummis on the train and go home and put velcro rollers in your hair.  

      Seriously, though–seriously, seriously–if I don’t fix myself, I will die by my own hand.  Eventually.

      I have known that for some time. 

       This isn’t something I should be thinking or writing about after the weekend I’ve just gone through…

        I need to refocus.  Adjust my aim.  Landlord’s still not paid, and I have rage to spare.  SOMEONE IN THIS CITY WANTS IT.

       But I didn’t go to school for so many years to live in the underworld.  

2 thoughts on “Miss Margo’s Relapse II: Fear and Loathing at THE SUPERSTUDIO”

  1. Margo, I came across your blog somehow, I am not sure how. Probably from a twitter retweet. I used to be into the scene as a client, and still get out a kick out of dommes tweets, blogs, etc.

    Anyway, I am sober a long time. Last drink in November 1983. I had two relapses, one at three months and another after two years, so I feel for you. Just don’t drink. I wanted alcohol to work for me, to make me feel better. But it doesn’t. I got sober because I did not want to die. I figured I’d make it to thirty, but not thirty five. I really wanted to be able to drink and live, but my relapses convinced me that wasn’t an option. The only thing to know is that alcohol will make you feel worse.

    I hope you start feeling better soon.


  2. Wow, a comment (and a great one!)! I feel popular! I get email sometimes, but not many comments yet.

    John, thank you for your encouragement and sharing your experiences with me. I have approx six months in–I’m back to counting days again (sucks!), but whatever. I’m just glad that this relapse wasn’t worse. It was scary. You are right when you say that alcohol makes you feel worse. I was having a spectacularly shitty week and when I threw booze into the mix, the wheels came right off in short order.

    Thank you for reading my blog! Come back any time. Have a great weekend.

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