Cheering Myself Up with Coconut Porn

          The weather outside is absolutely wretched and I’m feeling tense and sad about traveling to see the Surgeon tomorrow.  I’m trying to adjust my mindset in order to protect myself—I have a lot of practice being emotionally impenetrable, for better or worse—but my relationship with him is very complex.
           
         I’d like to suck down a bottle red wine, but since that isn’t on Margo’s Menu of Life Choices these days, I guess I’ll rely on something else that usually raises my spirits: porn made out of coconuts! 
          
           Dolce & Gabbana ad campaigns are a pretty reliable source of coconut porn.  Most of them are pretty gay—so gay, in fact, that I’d wager lots of gay people find them embarrassing or offensive—but as I’ve said before, I have to work with what I’ve got.
        
         Take this ad, for example.  Like most D&G ads, this one is exceedingly weird.  I have no idea what the hell is going on here, and it certainly doesn’t make me think that I’d like to buy any of the clothes.  But I can tell you one thing—that guy with the eye patch can knock on my door any time he wants (the statue of the black dog is also a very nice touch):
          
Hellooo, Mr. Eyepatch! Nice hands, btw.  Would I were that black dog…
       This image is so beautiful that if I could get it reproduced as an oil painting, I’d hang it on my wall.  It looks like a painting, actually, instead of a photograph—note the formal, un-lifelike poses of the models, and the symbolic value of the props.  The scene shows a ceremony. The woman is the one is a position of power: she sits in a throne elevated off the floor, and hers is the only face turned outward towards the viewer.  See her tall leather boots—possibly the most fetishized item of apparel in the wardrobe.  The open chest by her throne is full of honors, and she bestows a golden laurel wreath upon the head of the man kneeling at her feet.  Notice that he doesn’t look her in the face.  None of them do.

click to enlarge
        I love this one.  It pretty much speaks for itself.  I love the way that well-dressed young mutt carries the bags and looks at her with that star-struck, dumb look on his face, like he can’t believe what he’s seeing.  Adorable. Boys look so lovable when they’re dying to please. The woman has all the power here.  She knows it. 


     Last one for the day—hot men in discomfort, rowing!  I wish they made videos of shit like this; I’d watch them all day!  Sweating, straining, unhappy men rowing heavy oars!  Or, even better, digging pointless holes with shovels, and then being made to fill them back up—and then dig them again!   Woo-hoo!  Puts a big smile on my face just thinking about it.  And boy, did I ever need one.



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