I Wish I Had an App Like That

        I just got back from a rooftop party in the West Village.  I had a lovely time, though I wish I’d known beforehand that virtually no heterosexual males would be in attendance—I would have worn less painful shoes.  Probably wouldn’t have taken the time to put Velcro rollers in my hair, either.
           
        I’ve always found gay men sort of fascinating.  If gender is a conceptualized as a spectrum, gay men display a much more diverse range of both masculine and feminine traits than straight men.  I’m curious about their mannerisms, their perspectives.   They are a lot of fun to watch. 
           
          I must admit that I identify with them in certain ways.  I am very impressed with their embrace of sexuality (I am speaking in generalities, of course).  These dudes are serious as a heart attack about sex.  They are not kidding around.
           
          Let me provide an example of what I mean:
            
         One day last summer, I was visiting a female friend at her apartment.  We were sitting on that patio while she smoked cigarettes.  This girl is a writer and an artist—rather bohemian, in fact, especially in comparison to me.  I assure you, gentle reader, if you met me, the word “bohemian” would not spring to mind.
          
         We were talking about her roommate, whom I’d never met.  He was also our age, and a grad student.  He was gay.  I asked her how she liked having a male roommate.  So far they were getting along great, but–
            
        She reached over and plucked on my shirtsleeve, her eyes suddenly big and round.  “Have I told you about….THE APP?!”  She said it just like that, too. 
          
         Apparently, there is an app for iphones or smartphones or something that is very popular among some members of the gay community.  You can get this app on your phone, and it can tell you where all the other guys who have the same app are in your surrounding geographic area.  You could see pictures of the guys, and browse their profiles. You could start texting these guys or call them right then and there. You could suggest a spontaneous blind date with them at the corner Starbucks.  Hypothetically, you could suggest anything.  Anything at all.
            
        “I have seen him sit on the couch and text some guy on THE APP for a few minutes, and then run upstairs, change his clothes, and then run out the door to go meet him!  Just like that!  I mean, he thinks it’s no big deal!  He’s a great roommate so far, but I had to tell him that it was not okay for him to bring any APP guys to the apartment until he’d gotten to know them a little better.  I mean, they could be scary psychos, right?”  Her voice was a little screechy, she was a little agitated.  “That is some scary shit!  I can’t believe he does that.  It’s crazy.”
           
       “Yeah. Crazy,” I muttered.  In my mind I thought:  I wish I had an App like that!  WHAT A GREAT IDEA!

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