In any case, I gradually got the hang of it. I got the knack. I gave up almost all of the foods I used to eat, and then I learned to accept the loss. This is the crucial part, you see, this is where the proverbial rubber hits the road—the acceptance. I learned to accept the discomfort of hunger. I learned how to measure and weigh the portions, how to skip meals when necessary. I learned how to not eat, and I don’t mind telling you that it was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done.
(What you want you must choose, and what you choose, you must give priority. This is one of my most deeply held beliefs. Right up there with Everybody has to take a beating sometime, (and I am not talking about the nice beatings). And Everyone pays, even for the things they didn’t do.)
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Fellow Followers,
First, i have permission to comment from the fabulous Miss Margo herself. But still, what to comment on this extraordinary piece of writing. Layers upon Layers. First we have the bald power of control and autonomy. Then we have nothing about reasons. It is just something that must be done. And then the throwaway about another douche bag male named Scott? Then the threat to take the post down, which would then mean no one would see the threat so the threat must be there to make us pay attention, so she must have thought the piece was important. But why?
We have seen the scale two years later showing 111 pounds, and at that point she claimed to be sub clinical. So at 115 she must have been in robust vibrant health with rosy nipples and cockily cocked hips. Plus this piece is, to my knowledge, the oldest first person account from the fabulous Miss Margo.
So what do i feel about the piece. I feel it is the best piece of writing explaining the thrills and chills of anorexia i have ever seen. I am in awe of Miss Margo. What intellect, what courage, what personal power she has! unbelievable. I pity Scott and fear her mother …. and you should too.
It’s kind of odd how dieting and eating disorders work, the way that it starts with you in so much control, and eventually it takes on a life of its own and it’s more like the mindset is in control of you. Compulsion. I think that eating disorders are or become a form of OCD. Maybe it’ll be in the DSM someday, I’m also convinced that seasonal bipolar is a thing, not just winter depression.
5 lbs loses a clothing size for you? Amazing! Takes ten for me until I get to a certain point. But I’m loads shorter. Small framed, too. So little me wasn’t bony. Maybe my collar bone, and my arms looked small since they’re longer than they should be. Flat stomach yes, jutting hip bones, no. Outline of rib cage yeah and the slight start of a middle line in some lighting, some lighting maybe a couple indents of lower ribs. That’s it. It took getting under 100 for my thighs not to touch anymore, too.
It’s kinda funny though, the way these weights are normal/thin on you. Starting at the bottom of your weight for height chart. But these weights are also very “normal” (yet considered near or overweight by chart) for women lots shorter than you.
Thanks for sharing. I know that’s all very personal.