Working the day shift. 

    If business at the House was any slower today, it would be moving BACKWARD!

     A colleague with whom I am modestly acquainted (that’s as good as it gets for me at school these days) is defending his dissertation today, and I decided to miss it in order to work.  Unfortunately, there is no work to be had.  It’s crickets and tumbleweeds around here!  

     Since the day shift is probably going to be a wash, I might elect to pull a double…sometimes we get slammed around 6 when all the Wall Street guys get off work.

     I’ve been really good about staying on the wagon, but the bottle of Jack on top of the fridge in the lounge is looking mighty nice.  Alcohol, my irresistible but abusive (abusive in the bad sense of the word) boyfriend.  Always there for me, doing pushups and pumping iron in the next room, waiting till I come back to him…

     Fear not, I have no intention of actually picking up (I never drank at work, unless you count professional conferences or cheese-and-wine meet n greet job talks). Whilst I wait for the monetary bounty that may or may not befall me, I think I’ll fortify my sobriety by watching clips of Dr. Drew Pinsky:

      Dr. Pinksy is one of my imaginary TV boyfriends (Dr. Pinsky, of course, is a real individual–only his status as my boyfriend is fictive). WHAT A BABE!!!  He has the whole “responsible, mature, accomplished, caring paternal adult” thing nailed down.  I have delicious, joyful Freudian dreams of Dr. Pinsky in which he presses my neck to the carpet with his shoe and then grades my homework assignments (I get all As, of course, because I am a total teacher’s pet).

     Oh, Dr. Pinksy, why don’t you come to see me? I would be happy as a clam just attending to your suit with a lint roller.  Anything! Anything at all!  I would defrost your dinner steaks by breathing on them–FOR FREE, it’s my privilege!

     At least this speculation has lightened my mood!  Now, off to YouTube!

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